Author Topic: JOTD  (Read 134502 times)

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Richard230

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Reply #1050 on: December 16, 2019, 02:55:58 pm
During the weekend I was asked how I viewed Lesbian relationships. Apparently, "In Full HD" wasn't the correct answer!
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #1051 on: December 17, 2019, 02:39:01 pm
Make sure your Viagra has a "Made in the USA" label. We don't want the Chinese or the Russians meddling in our erections.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #1052 on: December 18, 2019, 11:43:03 pm
On a farm lived a chicken and a horse who loved to play together. One day the two were playing together when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go and get the farmer to get help.
Off the chicken ran back to the farm. Arriving, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmers' new BMW 7-series. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off in it with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friends life. Back at the bog the horse was surprised, but happy to see the chicken arrive in the shiney BMW, and managed to get hold of the loop of rope the chicken had tossed him. After tying the other end to rear bumper of the farmers car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and with the aid of the powerful car rescued the horse. Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented, best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and he too began to sink, and cried out to the horse to save his life. The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his penis and he would lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip and the horse pulled him out, saving his life. The moral of the story? When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW sedan to pick up chicks.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #1053 on: January 03, 2020, 02:38:50 pm
I think this cartoon will be appreciated by anyone who owns a Royal Enfield.  ;D
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #1054 on: January 09, 2020, 02:18:30 pm
A man has a toothache, so he goes to see his dentist. After examining the tooth, the dentist tells the man he is going to have to give him an injection for the pain. The man says, "No way! I don't want an injection." The dentist replies, "OK, I'll give you gas." "Noooo!" shrieks the man. "I don't want any gas." "Fine," says the dentist, "I'm going to give you some Viagra!" "Viagra?" exclaims the man. "What for?" "You're going to need something to hang on to when I pull your tooth!"
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #1055 on: January 26, 2020, 11:16:33 pm
An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communications with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees. The passenger who was riding with the pilot, who lost communications, was on a cellular phone yelling:"Mayday, mayday, while saying that the pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket, and he had told me before we took off that he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and travelling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!" The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately while saying:"Calm down, we acknowledge you and we will guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!" & he began his series of questions: Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet??" Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the dials in front of me". Tower: "Okay, that is good, remain calm. How do you know you are traveling at 180 mph??" Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the dials in front of me". Tower: Okay, that is good. How do you know you're flying upside down??"
Aircraft: "Because the shit in my pants is sliding out of my collar."
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #1056 on: February 06, 2020, 03:20:49 pm
Here is the Crazy Frog to brighten up your day.   ::)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3e3NB14-eM&feature=emb_title
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Boxerman

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Reply #1057 on: February 06, 2020, 05:01:43 pm
Better with the music - Axel F

Frank


Richard230

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Reply #1058 on: February 13, 2020, 11:35:53 pm
A young lad went to confession.
"Forgive me father for I have sinned,last night I masturbated about my sister".
The Priest replied "You wicked boy and you having two beautiful brothers as well."
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #1059 on: February 13, 2020, 11:36:17 pm
A politician was visiting a rural community and asked a farmer what was needed. The farmer said they had no local doctor. The politician pulled out his cell phone, made a call, and told the farmer a doctor was on the way. The farmer thanked him and said they could also use a cell tower as they had no cell phone reception.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #1060 on: February 16, 2020, 10:03:26 pm
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband's marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Pete, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Pete replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've tried to treat her nice, spend a lot of money on her, but best of all is, I took her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!" The priest responded, "Pete, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?"
Pete proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


jimku

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Reply #1061 on: February 16, 2020, 10:07:44 pm
What do you get when you cross a jsckass with an onion?

A little tail that'll make your eyes water.


Richard230

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Reply #1062 on: February 29, 2020, 03:25:11 pm
After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one.

The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive.

A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Scouser said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'

'Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: '1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Middlesbrough, Hull, parts of Bradford and anywhere in Wales
« Last Edit: February 29, 2020, 10:20:26 pm by Richard230 »
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Ove

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Reply #1063 on: February 29, 2020, 05:24:58 pm
Now, that's a little tail to make your eyes water... :'(


Richard230

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Reply #1064 on: February 29, 2020, 10:21:44 pm
If anyone is offended by that old joke let me know and I will remove it.  I almost got banned for posting it today on a BMW forum.   :(
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1