[Arschloch]

I hear that Iron Barrels are now being ridden by goats.   

...they must have come loose somehow.

[gizzo]

...

[Richard230]

Time for some sad book cartoons. 

[Richard230]

Irish joke.

[Narada]

Now that's funny!

[chuychacon]

OiL is so funny 1
except when its on the road

[Arizoni]

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask a psychologist what to do.

The psychologist said, "Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to bring him. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gift or gifts he requests."

Two days before Christmas, Johnny's father asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

"I want a damn teddy-bear laying right beside me when I wake up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning against the garage."

Christmas morning, little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a large pile of dog poop. Confused, he walked down stairs and saw another big pile under the tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog poop by the garage.

When Johnny walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "So, what did Santa bring you this year?"

Johnny replied, "I think I got a dog, but I can't find the son-of-a-bitch!"

[Arizoni]

A business man put an ad in the newspaper for an accountant for his business.

The next morning he found three guys sitting outside his office waiting for an interview so he asked the first one to follow him into his office.

He asked the man, "What does 5, 4 and 8 equal?"

Without a blink the man answered, "17".

Without asking another question the business man said, "Your excused.  On your way out, tell the next man to come in."

The second man entered the off ice and the business man asked, "What does 12,000 plus 1750 plus 1954 equal?"
In a flash the man answered, "15704".

The business man said, "Your excused.  On your way out, tell the next man to come in."

The third man entered the room and the business man asked, "What does 18756 plus 12903 plus 12867 equal?"

The third man said, "What do you want it to equal?"
The business man said, "Your hired."

[Richard230]

So my youngest son is a police officer and just married a few months back. He came home one evening after his shift, tired and disheveled. His young bride of a few months was concerned and asked "what happened tonight?"
He told her about having to chase a young thug across several yards and over a few fences before the suspect eluded him. His young wife said "you must feel bad that he got away"
He told her that he was a little upset, but that the thug wasn't running with 20 extra pounds around the middle.
His wife replied, "I know, and I bet that gun belt and equipment are heavy too"

[Arizoni]

An old man walked into a bar and ordered a tall beer.
He gulped it down and asked for another tall beer and rapidly drank it.

This went on for over an hour and after drinking his 7th beer he staggered towards the back door.  Once outside he unzipped his fly and started to dig out his private part when a police officer walked up.
The officer said, "Sir.  You can't pee here."

The old man cast an eye at the officer and said, "Ossifer, I ain't goin' to pee here.  I'm going to pee, WAY OVER THERE!"

[Richard230]

Bill and Bobs wives went out for a drink. On the way home, worse for wear, they stopped in a graveyard for a piss. When they'd finished Bill's wife
took her knickers off and wiped herself dry. As Bobs wife was wearing new knickers she didn't want to do that and looked around and found a wreath
which she dried herself with.
The following day Bill and Bob were back in the pub. Bill told Bob that when his wife arrived home the previous night she wasn't wearing any knickers. Bob
told him that was not so bad. He said when his wife got into bed and he started exploring her nether regions, as he did he found a label stuck to her arse
which said "you will be sadly missed -from all the boys at the fire station.

[Richard230]

    MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

    'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

    Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

    After months of careful research, "MALE & FEMALE" procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'

    *******************************
    MALE PROCEDURE:
    1. Drive up to the cash machine.
    2. Put down your car window.
    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
    6. Put window up.
    7. Drive off.

    *******************************

    FEMALE PROCEDURE:
    (What is really funny is that most of this part is the truth!!!!)

    1. Drive up to cash machine.
    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
    7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
    8. Insert card.
    9. Re-insert card the right way.
    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
    11. Enter PIN.
    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
    13. Enter amount of cash required.
    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
    17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of chequebook.
    18. Re-check makeup.
    19. Drive forward 2 feet.
    20. Reverse back to cash machine.
    21. Retrieve card.
    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
    25. Redial person on cell phone.
    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
    27. Release Parking Brake.

[heloego]

 

[Richard230]

A major difference between men and women:Two guys will beat the crap out of each other in a bar brawl and shake hands in the parking lot.  Two women will not speak to each other for 10 years because one failed to notice a new pair of shoes.

[Richard230]

And a few cartoons to brighten up your married life.