[Bilgemaster]

I've noticed that owning an Indian-made Royal Enfield Bullet has somehow awakened an interest in what's found in those long aisles full of other Indian products offered at my exotic local Global Foods international superstore ("Attention shoppers: There is currently a meat special scurrying up Aisle 8"). Here are just a few notable ones:

INDIAN METAMUCIL

Yeah, I'm an old guy and I like to stay "regular". What of it? And isn't this just about the most trustworthy retro packaging you've ever seen, that "Our's 75th Year" goof notwithstanding? Don't worry about that. It'll flush out unnecessary possessive forms and apostrophes. So, get on that horn and exclamatorily demand "PSYLLIUM HUSK!"  Fact is, I'm enjoying a couple of teaspoons in some apple cider right now, so I foresee a brief pause in typing this message in precisely 22 minutes when I'll grab a magazine and majestically but expeditiously repair to my home's smallest room for some solitary reflection.

SUB-CONTINENTAL MUNCHIES

Many of our British members may recognize this Navrattan kibble as "Bombay Mix", as sold in unmarked clear plastic baggies like crack at family-run corner shops throughout the island. I have to hide the stuff from the kids and ration it or they'd snarf down their own weight of it in minutes. It's mildly spicey in a good way. Warning: Highly Addictive.

THE WORLD'S SADDEST BREAD

These Lijjat brand "papads" or "pappadums" are a sort of spicey tortilla that comes in a variety of flavors (black pepper, cumin, masala spice, etc.). They're OK, I guess. I buy them every now and then chiefly because the crestfallen look on that kid's face as the evil gay radioactive bunny informs him that the family dog has "gone upstate to live on a farm" simply warms my cold dead heart with ruefully giggling waves of Schadenfreude. Frankly though, I and the rest of the tribe prefer the breadier Onion Naans over in the refrigerated section. Rubbed with a few drops of olive oil and warmed a couple of minutes in the oven they make for a mean souvlaki (kind of a Greek street food taco: just marinate some cubed pork overnight in some lemon juice, olive oil, garlic, oregano, salt, pepper and whatnot; skewer and grill, fold up in a naan like a taco with chopped lettuce, tomato, cucumber, onion, olives, crumbled feta or goat's cheese, drizzle tsatsiki sauce [a yogurt, minced cucumber and garlic concoction] or just some ranch dressing, if that's what's handy, and THAT'S a meal. If כּשר‎ or heart healthy's your thing, try chicken or lamb instead. Vegetarian? You're kinda on your own...I dunno, maybe a nice peppery ground chickpea felafel?)

If you haven't got some kind of "Indian Grocery" near you, most of this stuff's available on Amazon nowadays. If you go for the Navrattan, do yourself a favor and just go ahead and order two.

सुख भोजन (Bon appétit!)

[gizzo]

   so good! Thanks for the laffs.

Sad Bread is gold. Reminds me of the crazy packaging I see in our local Vietnamese grocery.

[Bilgemaster]

  so good! Thanks for the laffs.

Sad Bread is gold. Reminds me of the crazy packaging I see in our local Vietnamese grocery.

Europe will not be outdone! These drool-worthy Czech wieners have been a hit since 1917...

[Arschloch]

Europe will not be outdone! These drool-worthy Czech wieners have been a hit since 1917...

T

These should be a hit those days.   

Send them to Sweden they will dig it. It has the meaning "church" in it too. No lack of religious leaders.

[AzCal Retred]

??...church....??

[Arschloch]

??...church....??

I can't see the whole word. "Kostel..." would be a church, most likely a name of a city or town, "parky" means sausages.

[Bilgemaster]

Kostelec is the village in the Czech Republic where they're made, not far from Plzeň, where the Pilsner beer comes from, like Pilsner Urquell, the world's very first pale lager. "Kostolecké Párky" simply means "Sausages of Kostolec."

More info about them in English is found here: https://www.kostelec.com/about-us.html, where you'll learn, among other things, that "our products are certified adequate", which is really tooting their own horn, huh? Still, they're kind of a big deal yonder, and even run a chain of franchised sausage stands and restaurants called "Parky's"

I suspect that "Drooling Sausage Guy", disillusioned by the Old World, emigrated to the States after WWI, where he found work as "The Moxie Guy", an altogether sterner and more forthright fellow after the sufferings of the Great War, including some apparent injury to his trigger finger, which he never failed to thrust forth as an indictment of man's inhumanity to his fellow man. Still, he never lost his love of mascara. For those unfamiliar with this now merely niche regional New England soft drink (or "tonic" in the local parlance), Moxie was once more popular than Coca-Cola, though most certainly an acquired taste. Containing gentian root, in its heyday Moxie was said to cure ailments ranging from "softening of the brain" to "loss of manhood." That first sip is perhaps reminiscent of a Dr. Pepper that someone had strained through a full vacuum cleaner bag. But then it gets...uhm...oddly better.  Whenever I'm up north I always grab a case, if only to torment unsuspecting friends. Its motto, "Distinctively Different!" ain't a lie.

[gizzo]

Europe will not be outdone! These drool-worthy Czech wieners have been a hit since 1917...

That is amazing! And a bit creepy. Moxie guy looks like he's just come from work on the "Reefer madness" set...

[Bilgemaster]

That is amazing! And a bit creepy. Moxie guy looks like he's just come from work on the "Reefer madness" set...

Indeed! The soul wears many masks: https://youtu.be/gpNhKJhLGRE

[AzCal Retred]

Bilgemaster - I stand in awe of your word-smythery!   - ACR -

Not Indian sourced, but an oddity to try, maybe even add to your collection:
Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray soda: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cel-Ray ; Amazon or e-bay if unavailable locally.

https://www.tastingtable.com/drinks/national/A-Brief-Ode-to-Dr-Browns-Cel-Ray-Soda#:~:text=The%20secret%20is%20that%20Cel,closer%20to%20seltzer%20than%20soda.&text=If%20it%20tastes%20slightly%20medicinal,Brown's%20Celery%20Tonic.

>>> "I first tasted Cel-Ray on a dare, expecting it to be a culinary oddity one must be born into to understand, like Marmite or salty licorice. What I actually discovered was the first soda I couldn't stop drinking. The secret is that Cel-Ray doesn't really taste like celery. It's tangier than ginger ale, but still tastes light, herbal and refreshing, closer to seltzer than soda." <<<

[AzCal Retred]

Here's another fun carbonated soda, especially for your Right-leaning friends. It's great fun to watch their expressions freeze up when handed one of these... - ACR -

Leninade - "A party in every bottle."   "Na Zdoroviye"  { To your health } 12-Ounce Glass Bottle

https://www.amazon.com/Leninade-SURPRISINGLY-SATISFYING-SIMPLE-SOVIET-STYLE/dp/B001IVVL94/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_pdt_img_top?ie=UTF8

[tooseevee]

Europe will not be outdone! These drool-worthy Czech wieners have been a hit since 1917...

  That's scary on so many levels  as so many things are these days. What IS that sucking sound that haunts my nights? 

[Bilgemaster]

Here's another fun carbonated soda, especially for your Right-leaning friends. It's great fun to watch their expressions freeze up when handed one of these... - ACR -

Leninade - "A party in every bottle."   "Na Zdoroviye"  { To your health } 12-Ounce Glass Bottle

https://www.amazon.com/Leninade-SURPRISINGLY-SATISFYING-SIMPLE-SOVIET-STYLE/dp/B001IVVL94/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_pdt_img_top?ie=UTF8

Clever bon mots aside, for $34 bucks a six-pack I'm gonna wanna talk to some dead relatives and come to naked in a dumpster...and I'm MARRIED to a Russian gal.

As for that celery thing, are you aware that there was once a Celery Jello on your grocer's shelves?

This was popular back when 'Murrican Cuisine included lots of "surprises", like "Tuna Surprise" (Spoiler Alert: the surprise was marshmallows) and other unsettling culinary atrocities, many encased like medical school dissections in glistening aspic. For a hysterical afternoon's browsing, go check out James Lilek's "Gallery of Regrettable Foods", part of his marvel-crammed and nostalgic Institute of Official Cheer  website at https://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/. There's also a coffee table book available, in case you want to get some of that holiday shopping squared away early, assured your favored recipients will partake of that unique sensation of both laughing and gagging a bit at the same time. In the meantime, do try the Plucked Scalp of Klingon...

[Bilgemaster]

  That's scary on so many levels  as so many things are these days. What IS that sucking sound that haunts my nights? 

Of course, while I cannot say for certain, I'm pretty sure a Moxie and a few teaspoons of that Sat-Isabgol psyllium husk stuff will purge and clear those sounds right up while also restoring your manhood to Sausage-Drooling-Guy-craveable levels in the bargain, though possibly requiring much baggier trousers. Plus, you'll probably needn't fret any longer about that wonky sidestand for brief stops that you'd mentioned earlier, or finding a spot to hang your jacket and helmet.

[Stanley]

Jello casseroles and the horrible Moxie were emblematic of the food-like substances that greeted me when I lived in East Boothbay Maine. The lack of pho, kimchi and tamales prompted my California food shipments.