If you see someone buying candy, popcorn and a soda at the movies, they are a drug dealer. There's no other explanation for that type of income.
After a year of this pandemic, I'm either going out for ice cream or to commit a felony. I'll decide in the car.
I know it's time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it's an extra passenger who isn't wearing a seat belt.
Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body will get rid of cellulite. Apparently you can't do this in Starbucks. And now the cops are here.
Do not vaccinate health care workers first. If it fails, we're all in trouble. Vaccinate the politicians first. If we lose a few of them, it won't matter.
In the 1980's I fell off my bike and skinned my knee. I'm telling you this now because we didn't have social media then.
Some people seem to have aged like fine wine. I aged like milk ... I got sour and chunky.
Dear Sneeze: If you're going to happen, happen. Don't just put a stupid look on my face and then leave.
Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, worthless, bacon-less years.
I still have a full deck... I just shuffle slower.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius. But his brother Frank was a monster.
Topic: JOTD (Read 389423 times)