Author Topic: JOTD  (Read 377685 times)

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Richard230

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Reply #1005 on: March 20, 2019, 10:41:23 pm
I heard on the news today that a French minister said that she was going to name her cat Brexit, since it stands by her door crying because it wants to get out and then when she opens up the door, the cat won't leave.  I think I see the analogy, there.
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Richard230

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Reply #1006 on: March 29, 2019, 09:43:45 pm
This is a really funny video - but only if you are a Trump supporter. If not, I wouldn't recommend watching, unless you have some blood pressure medicine nearby:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cVsmuxOj28&app=desktop
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tooseevee

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Reply #1007 on: March 29, 2019, 11:21:45 pm
This is a really funny video - but only if you are a Trump supporter. If not, I wouldn't recommend watching, unless you have some blood pressure medicine nearby:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cVsmuxOj28&app=desktop

          No problem except "inditement"? I could comment here on our pitiful educational systems, but I won't. Why bother? It's way too late.
« Last Edit: March 29, 2019, 11:24:14 pm by tooseevee »
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Richard230

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Arizoni

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Reply #1009 on: April 09, 2019, 05:05:09 am
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."

The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."
 
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming up," says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too."

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."
 "Coming right up," the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says," Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with
only two drops of water?"

The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you are my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor.
 Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."
Jim
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Richard230

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Reply #1010 on: April 09, 2019, 11:00:22 pm
Why does the Easter Bunny hide her eggs?  She embarrassed she's doing the chicken.
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Richard230

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Reply #1011 on: April 25, 2019, 08:51:07 pm
EMPLOYEE NOTICE
**************************
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT programme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government..

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
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Richard230

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Reply #1012 on: April 27, 2019, 05:05:33 pm
 man goes into hospital for a vasectomy: When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking doctors and asks nervously. "Is there a problem doc?" The head surgeon says gently, with tears in his eyes. "I'm afraid so, I'm so sorry but your notes got mixed up and we've given you a sex change rather than a vasectomy." The patient is devastated and shockingly replies. "Do you mean to say I'll never experience another er-ec-tion." The surgeon pauses for a moment then says. "Well, you might, but it won't be yours!"
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Richard230

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Reply #1013 on: May 02, 2019, 10:43:51 pm
Ain't it the truth.  ::)
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Richard230

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Reply #1014 on: May 09, 2019, 10:05:03 pm
Here is a good one.  Then and Now. :D
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Richard230

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Reply #1015 on: May 14, 2019, 03:20:09 pm
So I asked Alexa "What do women want?"

The fuckin thing hasn't shut up for three days.
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Richard230

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Reply #1016 on: May 17, 2019, 02:49:07 pm
I hear that Iron Barrels are now being ridden by goats.   ;D
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Arschloch

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Reply #1017 on: May 18, 2019, 10:40:54 am
I hear that Iron Barrels are now being ridden by goats.   ;D

....not for long, meeeeeeeeh, meeeeeeeeh  ;D


Arschloch

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Reply #1018 on: May 18, 2019, 11:07:43 am
I hear that Iron Barrels are now being ridden by goats.   ;D

...not for long, meeeeh, meeeeh    ;)


Arschloch

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Reply #1019 on: May 18, 2019, 11:23:33 am
I hear that Iron Barrels are now being ridden by goats.   ;D

missplaced? ...meeeeeh ;)