What does the Dalai Lama order at a hot dog stand?
"Make me one with everything" ::)
What does the Dalai Lama order at a hot dog stand?
"Make me one with everything" ::)
Anybody wants to guess ?
The Dalai Lama gives the hot dog vendor $10 and the vendor hands over the hot dog.
The Dalai Lama asks, "Where's the change?"
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
Photocopier ?
Is it Male or Female and because ..... Anybody wants to guess ?
All right, singhg5, we've waited long enough...
The forest has some bodacious trees..u guys r blind.
The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
How many Kennedys does it take to change a light bulb? One to hold the light bulb and five to drink enough to make the room spin.I love it!
" the balls are just for decoration.'I might as well get out the paint, then.
Exquisitely British
The train was very crowded and, a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular. 'Americans are so rude.My little Fifi is using that seat!'
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was still under that dog.
'Please Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'
She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!'
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
You hold the fork in the wrong hand.
You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.
And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window'
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.' Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. 'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot. 'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.' The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?' 'Moses,' replied the bird. 'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?' 'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.
A rabbi, a priest, a minister, an Imam, a blonde, a Jew, a Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim, a cowboy, a blonde, a doctor, a lawyer & an Indian Chief walk into a bar.
Bartender sez: "What IS this? A joke"?
"Surely you heard the old expression, "Abscess makes the fart go "Honda"."
when they asked the third to resolve the argument he couldn't because he was a tobacconist.
Tobogganing.
I don't know who made snopes the decider, but... sorry:
http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp :(
Mattsz, you changed DanB's original post (Reply#61) when you quoted him in your Reply#64. DanB's original post sez: "The following is NOT a question.... ". In his quote (in your Reply#64) you have deleted the word 'not'.
Are you a politician ???(http://)
Nope.
I quoted it as it was written. The original post was edited a day later...
Can you give me DanB's original original Reply number because I thought it was #61 which contains the word NOT in its first sentence as plain as the nose on your face (or the nose on MY face ;) ).
In your quote of it (#64) the word 'not' is gone.
I'm so confused .... ??? :-[(http://)
On 9/25, DanB posted #61. On 9/26, I quoted part of it, as originally written, in #63. On 9/27, DanB edited his post #61, presumably (and I am making an assumption here) to correct the opening statement, after I posted a snopes link which questions the truth of the claim.
Bare, I thought, indicated he got the joke when he in turn questioned snopes's credibility.
This is the joke thread - don't sweat it, man! ;D
A small girl walked into a expensive clothing store wearing a back pack on her back...
So solly. I see now that I never SAW the original.
PS: Have I told my clown joke?
Not here - have at it!
After their first few bites, one cannibal turns to another and asks: "Does this taste funny to you"?
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!Hilarious, brilliant! ;D
What do you call an American at St Andrews university?
Janitor. ;D
"Well I don't give a shit what you consider"
A Latin American magician told his audience he would completely disappear at the count of three.
"Uno, dos," POOF!
He vanished without a tres.
First Prince now this more sad news from the music world
Justin Bieber found alive and well in his hotel room.
For a better start in life start COLA earlier!
How soon is too soon?
Not soon enough. Laboratory tests over the last few years have proven that babies who start drinking soda during that early formative period have a much higher chance of gaining acceptance and"fitting in" during those awkward pre-teen and teen years. So, do yourself a favor. Do your child a favor. Start them on a strict regimen of sodas and other sugary carbonated beverages right now, for a lifetime of guaranteed happiness.
Some finnish humor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19qOlNqbjXs
yeah - love the tapeworm diet!
I've seen the "cola" ad before - for those who can't read the ad copy:
This helpful advice brought to you by, naturally, The Soda Pop Board of America. No wonder we're so fµ©ked up here in the US...
The Dalai Lama gives the hot dog vendor $10 and the vendor hands over the hot dog.
The Dalai Lama asks, "Where's the change?"
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
The man rubs his chin and after a moment he says, "Well, I don't know who the twins are, but the one in the middle looks like Willie Nelson".
Hay Malky, do you know how to tell a hormone from a vitamin?
Ya can't hear a vitamin????
Do you know how to make a hormone?By telling her that joke? :o
By telling her that joke? :o
If we manage to convince the Chinese that Jihadists' testicles are aphrodisiacs, Within ten years they'll have disappeared...That's funny because it's true....????
Perhaps not far from the truth. ::)
http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2016/apr/17/boaty-mcboatface-wins-poll-to-name-polar-research-vessel
In the Irish news.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=WOdz7Ig_dCg
She ALMOST kept a straight face...See if you can keep a straight face with this one.
The Sheer Nightgown....
A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.
He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the sheerer, the higher the price.
Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'
He never heard the shot.
Funeral on Thursday at Noon.
At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled... "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death. ;D
Ha ha! Makes a pleasant change from Coots sheep jokes. ;D
Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the
Olympics that they would like to take back:
Funny! But - are they real quotes, or just jokes? You know which one I'm hoping for...
'For Christ sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'
I think you just gave yourself a new moniker. ;)
Funny! But - are they real quotes, or just jokes? You know which one I'm hoping for...
A teacher in a Detroit kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes. Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!”
A Texas Woodpecker and a North Carolina Woodpecker were arguing about which state had the toughest trees. The Texas Woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The North Carolina Woodpecker challenged him and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Texas Woodpecker was in awe. The North Carolina Woodpecker then challenged the Texas Woodpecker to peck a tree in North Carolina that was absolutely un-peckable. The Texas Woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge. After flying to North Carolina, the Texas Woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem. The two woodpeckers were now confused. How could it be that the North Carolina Woodpecker was able to peck the Texas tree and the Texas Woodpecker was able to peck the North Carolina tree, when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state? After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home. ;D
Ouch! That had to hurt. ;D
A friend of mine got a ticket on Sesame Street.
He didn't have a parking Kermit.
I don't know who I am anymore
My life has been getting more complicated, and I want to thank those of you who are brave enough to still associate with me regardless of what I have become.
The following is a recap of my current identity. Please help me come to terms with this, because I‘m not sure who I am anymore!
I was born white, which makes me a racist.
I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which makes me a fascist.
I am heterosexual, which makes me a homophobe.
I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.
I am a Christian, which makes me an infidel.
I'm an American Patriot that believes in the Constitution, owning a gun makes me a radical right wing nut job
I am older than 63 and retired, which makes me a useless old person.
I think and I reason; therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which makes me a reactionary.
I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.
I value my safety and that of my family; therefore I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.
I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which makes me anti-social.
I, and my friends, acquired a good education without student loans and no debt at graduation, which makes me some kind of odd underachiever.
I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland by all citizens, which makes me a militarist.
And now my newest problem – I'm not sure which bathroom I should use.
Grant Borden
You're okay there is a solution.
F#©k it! do your own thing and go your own way. Oh, wait a minute then you've become an anarchist. :o
Back in the 1970's when Mazda came out with their Wankel Rotary powered sports car, they had an ad on TV many will remember. It said something like, "Piston engine goes sprongy, sprongy, sprong but the Mazda engine goes, Hummmmmmmmmm."
An enterprising young man got to looking into this Wankel Rotary and came up with the idea of building the perfect desert racer.
It would be made from a old Volkswagen, totally stripped down with extra long travel suspension arms and shocks and it would be powered by a highly tuned, light weight Mazda Wankel rotary engine.
With the car complete, he entered it in the Baja 1000.
Following the start of the race, his VW/Wankel rotary was proving itself to be even better than expected by closing the distance and passing even the most powerful 4X trucks on the course and he kept this up for 999 miles.
As he approached the finish line, leading the race by a good mile, with only 1/4 mile to go, suddenly the engine exploded sending pieces of itself, the transaxle, shock absorbers and rear body panels in all directions.
The owner was so disgusted with the situation he just walked away with a scowl, never even looking back at the smoldering heap.
With Christmas just around the corner I thought you folks would like to hear all about the car that forever will be known as....
"The Official Baja Humbug".
I ate five cans of Alphabetti Spaghetti.
I had a huge vowel movement. :o
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
People in Dubai don't like The Flintstones and people in Abu dahbi doo!
A couple of Christmas ads.
The Roman said,
"No, it is you who don't understand.
I came to seize your berry, not to praise it."
Doesn't need it's own thread. Here's an unhappy Triumph owner.
http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=152292047308#description
Here is some health advice from a wise old Japanese doctor that you will no doubt appreciate and shouldn't be too difficult to follow:
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally wornout and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
Furthermore.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
California is going to need a lot of ammo!
There are a lot of crooked politicians there. Thanks to that, a lot of people have been leaving California though.
Here's a special one for Richard230...
Why was I never informed of this ?
A 60M resistor attacked me yesterday. It beat me blue, black and violet.
Here is a clear explanation of how a Honda racing seamless gearbox works:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__lheqeERb4
A C, an E flat and a G walk into a bar. "Sorry," the barman said. "We don't serve minors."
A C, an E flat and a G walk into a bar. "Sorry," the barman said. "We don't serve minors."
My enjoyment of this is diminished...
::)
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needed help with his luggage.
He replies, " No, I'm traveling light."
A “Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."
A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.
... When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
... A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
... When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
... The batteries were given out free of charge.
... A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
... A will is a dead giveaway.
... With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
... A boiled egg is hard to beat.
... When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
... Police were summoned to a day-care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
... Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
... A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
... The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
... He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
... When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
... Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
And the cream of the twisted crop: ... Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
Thank you so much. I neded that one! ;D
I'll tell you one thing I cannot stand. Two legged tripods.
It's not your fault. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEyaIjm0G2s)
After retrieving his wallet the man told another person who had watched the whole thing, "That's the first time I've ever seen carp to carp walleting."
Dad walks in on his teenage son, who is wanking, and says "If you keep doing that you'll go blind." The kid replies "Hey dad. I'm over here."
I would post a funny joke today, but apparently it is too long to be accepted by the postal system. >:(
I'll have to ask WildBill if he has a can or two.That's kind of a staple in an Aussie shed. Gets the mower going, every time and is handy to have if you have a shitty old Seagull outboard motor. It's a real thing.
(https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/52674259_2235427826784863_1709115212478545920_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=dafdaf06e07ae662c9753522342dfcc9&oe=5D19E54D)
This is a really funny video - but only if you are a Trump supporter. If not, I wouldn't recommend watching, unless you have some blood pressure medicine nearby: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cVsmuxOj28&app=desktop
I hear that Iron Barrels are now being ridden by goats. ;D
I hear that Iron Barrels are now being ridden by goats. ;D
I hear that Iron Barrels are now being ridden by goats. ;D
I hear that Iron Barrels are now being ridden by goats. ;D
Where does Bigfoot live? Anybody in a 1st floor apartment can tell you.
There was a little known crook who robbed several banks and in the process he killed everyone who happened to be in the bank at the time.
Because of his ruthless ways, he was sentenced to a life term in one of the most secure prisons in the nation.
After several years he decided to write stories about people and their life interactions with others.
His stories were good but the publishers thought they lacked anything that would make them unique so they rejected them.
After giving it much thought he decided to rewrite the stories using a poetic type of writing with much of it in verse. The publishers were amazed with this and published everything he sent to them.
The general public loved his work and bought everything he wrote making him famous.
So many people were amazed with his stories that a movie was soon made about his life and his writings.
Perhaps you've heard of it?
"The Bard Man of Alcatraz".
The buzz Word in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is:
1. You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends go up to him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.
3. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing.
4. You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say,"By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.
5. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.
6. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep.
7. Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support.
8. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Junk Mail.
9. You are at a party; this well-built man walks up to you and grabs your ass. That's the Governor of California
10. You like it, but twenty years later your attorney decides you were offended. That's America.
Life in the Australian Army...
A man has a toothache, so he goes to see his dentist. After examining the tooth, the dentist tells the man he is going to have to give him an injection for the pain. The man says, "No way! I don't want an injection." The dentist replies, "OK, I'll give you gas." "Noooo!" shrieks the man. "I don't want any gas." "Fine," says the dentist, "I'm going to give you some Viagra!" "Viagra?" exclaims the man. "What for?" "You're going to need something to hang on to when I pull your tooth!"
An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communications with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees. The passenger who was riding with the pilot, who lost communications, was on a cellular phone yelling:"Mayday, mayday, while saying that the pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket, and he had told me before we took off that he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and travelling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!" The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately while saying:"Calm down, we acknowledge you and we will guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!" & he began his series of questions: Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet??" Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the dials in front of me". Tower: "Okay, that is good, remain calm. How do you know you are traveling at 180 mph??" Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the dials in front of me". Tower: Okay, that is good. How do you know you're flying upside down??"
Aircraft: "Because the shit in my pants is sliding out of my collar."
Here is the Crazy Frog to brighten up your day. ::)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3e3NB14-eM&feature=emb_title
Do you do PayPal?
If anyone is offended by that old joke let me know and I will remove it. I almost got banned for posting it today on a BMW forum. :(
Foretelling the future. :o
...IRONY BARREL. ?? ;D
Sign of the times?
Lost Words From Our Childhood.I see you have "opened up a can of worms". (Which can be bought for five dollars a pop). My question is what ever happened to the Magillacuttes that lived next door to everyone back then? Cops asked speeders if they were Barney Oldfield.
Mergatroyd! Do you remember that word? Would you believe the spell-checker did not recognize the word Mergatroyd? Heavens to Mergatroyd!
The other day a not so elderly (I say 75) lady said something to her son about driving a Jalopy; and he looked at her quizzically and said, "What the heck is a Jalopy?" He had never heard of the word jalopy! She knew she was old ... But not that old.
Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory after you read this and chuckle.
About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included: Don't touch that dial, Carbon copy, You sound like a broken record, and Hung out to dry.
Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker, to straighten up and fly right.
Heavens to Betsy! Gee whillikers!
Jumping Jehoshaphat! Holy Moley!
We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley ; and even a regular guy couldn't accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!
Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell? Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes, and pedal pushers.
Oh, my aching back! Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore.
We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" Or, "This is a fine kettle of fish!" We discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.
Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone. Where have all those great phrases gone?
Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It's your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper. Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers. Don't take any wooden nickels. Wake up and smell the roses.
It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills. This can be disturbing stuff! (Carter's Little Liver Pills are gone too!)
Leaves us to wonder where Superman will find a phone booth..
See ya later, alligator! Okidoki.
You'll notice they left out "Monkey Business"!!!
And the driver replies "No, and I haven't had a ticket since Christ was a Corporal."
Lost Words From Our Childhood.
How about "supposably"?
Anyone using THAT instead of "supposedly" is not worth my time and energy.
My biggest complaint regarding the vocabulary of the news media and the people that they interview are two words that they use all of the time. They are "basically" and "you know". Neither of which make any sense during their conversations.
Since I wasn’t alive at the time, I can’t vouch for the accuracy of these statements, but someone older than I am sent them to me, so they might be right. ;)
The year is 1920 "One hundred years ago."
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1920:
The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.
Fuel for cars was sold in drug stores only.
Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower .
The average US wage in 1920 was 22 cents per hour.
The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2,000 per year.
A dentist earned $2,500 per year.
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Sayi
Today's homework, boys and girls, is to Google a quote from 1944 by Norman Mattoon Thomas who was running for President of the U.S.. when gas was 21 cents a gallon ($3.10 in 2020 dollars).
This? https://www.politifact.com/factchecks/2018/nov/02/blog-posting/no-evidence-norman-thomas-quote-democrats-embracin/
I just wish our schools would teach children how to make a budget and balance a checkbook without asking for a Government free-money bailout. If they did that maybe we would finally get some politicians who could figure out how to balance a budget without having to print or borrow more money. (I just heard that the federal deficit hit $3 trillion so far during the current fiscal year.) :o It sounds like the Federal government is going into the paycheck loan business, where paying off the interest never ends. >:(
Where did all the jokes go? I thought this was the "Jokes Of The Day" thread. :(
I just wish our schools would teach children how to make a budget and balance a checkbook
Gee Grampa, what's a "checkbook"? Is that some kind of antique Kindle or something? What does it check? Where do you balance it, on your nose?
Everyone I know still pays their bills using checks. Except of course, my granddaughters who let their mother pay their bills. They have no idea where the money comes from, just like Congress. ::)
In Australia if it cannot be paid electronically it tends to not get paid at all :D
I do not think I have seen anyone use a checkbook in at least 20 years.
It might actually be a good idea to buy the fastest bike you can if you live in India. :o ... ;D
https://youtu.be/0GTarvSkw3Y
In Russia it is not the Wildlife that is the problem ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_Rg5RxFFQg
Everyone I know still pays their bills using checks.That's cute. Do you reside in an old folks home? I'm 64 and the only time I see a check is when my accountant pays my property tax. I think she sends it by carrier pigeon. My pay was direct deposit starting in 1984.
That's cute. Do you reside in an old folks home? I'm 64 and the only time I see a check is when my accountant pays my property tax. I think she sends it by carrier pigeon. My pay was direct deposit starting in 1984.
Me and the bride (swmbo) do about half our bills in check, half over the net. No reason why, we just do. And I'm smart enough to not question it. I mean really, who gives a f...
I keep my checkbook in the drawer with my phone book under the typewriter.
I keep my checkbook in the drawer with my phone book under the typewriter.
When I retired my office gave my the 1952 Underwood Five that I had used for 30 years and the last of their carbon paper. Unfortunately, the ink ribbons for the typewriter have long since dried out. I had a friend pick up some more ink ribbon cartridges in the Philippines, but they just didn't work right. So now I use my computer as a word processor instead of using the typewriter - at least until the power goes out during the next earthquake, flood or asteroid strike. ::) And here is a picture of my home telephone. It works a lot better than a cell phone. You don't have to keep saying "Can you hear me now?"
re-ink the old ribbons
https://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Re-ink-a-Typewriter-Ribbon/
Highly detailed Indian custom....
Paula loved her cat more than anything so, one day, she was horrified to see the cat hadn't moved for over three hours.
It just sit there staring at nothing. Not an ear flicked nor did the tail twitch. Picking up the at and pointing it in a different direction also changed nothing. The cat just continued to stare straight ahead without moving.
Picking up the cat, Paula took it to her Veterinarian and asked him what could be causing such a strange behavior.
The vet checked out all of the vital signs, its eyes, ears and mouth. Nothing seemed wrong but just like when it had been at home, the cat continued to stare straight ahead at nothing.
The Vet asked Paula, "Did you feed him anything different or give him anything different to drink?"
Paula said, "Why, yes. Right before this happened, I gave him some seltzer water. I thought it would be good for him and make him happy."
"Ah ha!" the Vet said. "Didn't you know? You should never give a catatonic?"
Very funny, what's the joke.
The cat drank Cat Tonic, which made it catatonic. ;)
Of course, some people don't think they are very punny and the teller needs to be punished.
"He who would pun would pick a pocket." ;D
"Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male."
👍...you are right! not my cuppa, the INGSOC crowd might be into the show and the vehicles presented.Realizing the fact that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people asking questions , here's mine. If INGSOC represents English socialism, why isn't it typed ENGSOC ?I ask because if there is a rationale I want to know it with AMSOC on the way.... :'(
Realizing the fact that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people asking questions , here's mine. If INGSOC represents English socialism, why isn't it typed ENGSOC ?I ask because if there is a rationale I want to know it with AMSOC on the way.... :'(
It would be great if we could keep this one as an antidote to all the B.S. that's being flung everywhere.
Just sayin'.
A.
Here, why modern music sucks...
https://youtu.be/oVME_l4IwII
My wife found a spider in the house. She told me to take him out instead of killing him.;D
Went out, had a few drinks, found him to be a decent guy. Turns out he's a web designer.
How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants? Juan by Juan.
What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay? The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
What is the Beach Boys song "Kokomo" about? All the places Donald Trump has bank accounts.
Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks.
What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals? He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
Here is a great Christmas gift idea. ;D
@ 1233:
Really bad idea to pull that shit in Arizona or Texas, or probably any rural area. This is pure "City Folk" mentality about firearms. I was at a rural Az. carnival where some fool had invited a guy from Phoenix that had a "fast draw shootout" game booth. Two opponents faced each other thru a plexiglass sheet and drew down on each other at a signal. Didn't have ONE contestant, they all just looked at the set up like the vendor was nuts. Which he was. Everyone there knew exactly what happens when the hammer drops on a cartridge, there was no interest in pointing a weapon at anything you didn't want dead. The only funny bit here would be watching the golfers beat the shit out of the idiot with the shotgun and then start in on the cameraman.
Not particularly funny at all. Just loutish behavior awaiting an ass beating. About like walking up and blowing a freon horn into someone's ear when they are stopped in their car at a light.
Why the Germans never win.
...is there anything to win at the Iditarod other than a flu maybe?
The Final Solution...
Bears!
Bears...
@ 1263: Wasn't that picture taken in Bullhead City, Arizona last week? I think I saw that guy at Wal-Mart.... :o
https://youtu.be/_86RUdmUWtkThat kid might be on to something. As someone recently pointed out to me while we are worried about a caricature of a Chinese that DR Suess drew 50 years ago, the Chinese are building skyscrapers in 90 days and couldn't care less about a 50 year old cartoon.
...the new way to learn "shit". ;D ...ethernal "thankfullness" shit maybe. ::)
Speaking of skyscrapers, here is how you build them. ;DThat's great, I'm a big fan of Escher.
That kid might be on to something. As someone recently pointed out to me while we are worried about a caricature of a Chinese that DR Suess drew 50 years ago, the Chinese are building skyscrapers in 90 days and couldn't care less about a 50 year old cartoon.That cartoon from Mulberry Street was from 84 years ago. Nobody "cancelled" anything. The publisher decided not to keep printing six titles from Dr. Seuss. Books that were outdated and nobody was buying anyway. The right wing is clutching their pearls and getting their panties in a bunch because they can't find any real news to report. At least nothing related to reality. Vaccines work. Deaths are down. All thanks to a government that is working again. Mostly due to competent professionals being in charge again. This doesn't fit with the narrative that the virus is a fake AND there's nothing anyone can do about it.
That cartoon from Mulberry Street was from 84 years ago. Nobody "cancelled" anything. The publisher decided not to keep printing six titles from Dr. Seuss. Books that were outdated and nobody was buying anyway. The right wing is clutching their pearls and getting their panties in a bunch because they can't find any real news to report. At least nothing related to reality. Vaccines work. Deaths are down. All thanks to a government that is working again. Mostly due to competent professionals being in charge again. This doesn't fit with the narrative that the virus is a fake AND there's nothing anyone can do about it.
RE: Zimmemr, Olhogrider:What does that have to do with jokes?
It's pretty entertaining to hear how dismissive the American Press is of Chinese ambitions. The Aussies are worried enough that they are buying US made Hypersonic "Ship Killer" missile systems.
A picture during the height of C19 in China showed one Chinese railyard with 11 High-Speed Rail Passenger trains idled. Remind me again how many high speed passenger trains/lines WE have? High speed rail - the 200 - 300 MPH passenger service that can't fall out of the sky and runs on electricity.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-speed_rail_in_the_United_States
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-speed_rail_in_China#:~:text=High%2Dspeed%20rail%20(HSR),(120%E2%80%93220%20mph).
https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2020/12/1/australia-us-to-develop-hypersonic-missiles-to-counter-china
https://thediplomat.com/2020/12/australia-to-acquire-hypersonic-weapons-capability-in-collaboration-with-us/
https://www.navalnews.com/naval-news/2020/11/chinas-new-aircraft-carrier-killer-is-worlds-largest-air-launched-missile/
https://www.fastcompany.com/90346943/china-long-term-domination-plan-can-beat-a-divided-america
:-[
Well at least one thing is certain they don't live there anymore.
But....but...I SAW it!! Right on the video!...Moon Nazis...has to be true, right? :-[
P.S. - Are Nazis fond of chicken? And how did you come about this bit of arcanery, anyway?
Forget Venus - the Nazi's are on the MOON! Here's proof -
Iron Sky : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMFH8ubMWQs
Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.
I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.
Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza.... OK, I ate a pizza! Are you happy now?
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
It’s weird being the same age as old people.
When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.
It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.
Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers Is that true? Me: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember…Don’t sing!
I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.
You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
A dwarf went to the psychiatrist because he weighed 50kgs and his testicles weighed 25 kgs and he thought he may be half nuts.
;D
...
A Psychiatrist is sitting in his office...
When his secretary comes in and says "Sir, there's a man here to see you who thinks he's a flock of crows. If you ask me we should just send him to the loony bin and be done with it."
And the psychiatrist replied "Doris! Are you asking me to commit a murder!?"
Sounds like an good idea, corpies are full of crowd claiming success to which they contributed zero.
Your joke sucks
I might know a guy that welded up some busted sprocket teeth and adjusted them with a Dremel tool until they looked "about right". After a week of trail riding, they were hard to discern from the untouched ones...mebbe an example of early days "In Place Machining"? :o ::)
The UK gas crisis is starting to generate cartoons. ;)
We have all been there....
Explain that to Greta, she will tell you "God is a cheater". ;D
I think Der Ottonen is still working out why that psychiatrist won't commit a murder or why the rabbit is a type-O... :o 8)
I think Der Ottonen is still working out why that psychiatrist won't commit a murder or why the rabbit is a type-O... :o 8)Hey, I too had to read the rabbits joke twice....very good by the way. ;D
Here are some new words for you. ::)
(https://www.mtbr.com/attachments/1633704365923-png.1951614/)
(https://64.media.tumblr.com/9ea452e1454844b755034067619a1a06/b8b0fa56f6965014-ce/s500x750/0da4a556199956ed2f055b1f35d9c2569bc7db57.jpg)When I was 8 I think the lottery was still a couple of years off. But the pen was the first thing that made me wonder "how the heck does that work?" And began my lifelong battle with little springs... ;)
(https://www.mtbr.com/attachments/1633704365923-png.1951614/)I want a photo of his shift lever...
I want a photo of his shift lever...
Apparently you were asleep during the previous administration.
::)
Arizona is always standard time unless you go on the Navajo reservation which is a vast area and in the summer goes to DST. Gets a little confusing. Every year NM threatens to go back to standard time year round but it dies in the legislature. I like Maui best, most people there are on island time meaning "Bra, when I get to it I get to it, meanwhile don't make beef".
The voters of California approved sticking with Standard Time all year long a couple of years ago. Now they are waiting for Congress to approve that change. How long do you think that will take? ::)When you ask how long ... are you referring to CST? (Congressional Standard Time)
When you ask how long ... are you referring to CST? (Congressional Standard Time)
Smell the colors, man.... 8)
I don’t mean to be a grinch however.... to those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my beer out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding. Happy Holidays!
My memory of Omicron
(http://)
Santa is a prick. :D
Careful or you'll get coal in your stocking!
;)
(https://www.mtbr.com/cdn-cgi/image/format=auto,onerror=redirect,width=1920,height=1920,fit=scale-down/https://www.mtbr.com/attachments/1640568407929-png.1962834/)
The rise of Hindu extremism has made India very unsafe for Christians, despite their having been around since the days of the apostle Thomas (he of - briefly - doubting fame). It used to be quite tolerant compared to some other neighbouring countries.
A.
A young woman was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!" and rode off.
"Why was that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "I don't know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered.
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20220212/5e14499dea57e284a033241b75d98a85.jpg)
Not enough bison or grizzly bears?
A.
(https://www.mtbr.com/cdn-cgi/image/format=auto,onerror=redirect,width=1920,height=1920,fit=scale-down/https://www.mtbr.com/attachments/1649006217680-png.1977703/)
I think they are the opening act for this band:
(http://)
Great post - concise & to the point! ;D
@ #1532: Paid? You want pay? You'll have a card for Азбука вкуса, a dacha & a Lada, enough for any hero, Comrade... :o
@ #1532: Paid? You want pay? You'll have a card for Азбука вкуса, a dacha & a Lada, enough for any hero, Comrade... :o
50 years ago I worked in a small civil engineering company that specialized in designing residential subdivisions along the coast south of San Francisco. The company was owned by a (cheap) Russian Jew named Ted Tronoff who had hired a group of hardworking WWII displaced persons that really knew their stuff when it came to building town infrastructure and surveying. I thought that it was pretty funny that his chief surveyor was a Russian who claimed that he did a lot of surveying in Siberia when he was younger. He said that it was colder in the area southwest of San Francisco where we were designing a new subdivision than it was in Russia, due to the cold wind that blew off of the Pacific Ocean coast during the summer. :o
I recall that the office engineer was born and grew up in in Sweden. When he passed his CA engineering registration exam and received his engineering license from the state, the boss gave him a 25 cent an hour pay increase. Anyway, he told us that he planned to work in the U.S., save up his money and eventually retire back in Sweden where everything he needed would be free and provided by the government. Sounded like a good deal to me, especially as the company's retirement plan was your last paycheck. ::)
How the "End of the World" really looks like.
If a man speaks in a forest and his wife is not present, is he still wrong ?
Of course! ;)
Texas, they always threaten to secede from the union. Sadly they never do.
To give them some credit for sincerity they did join the confederate side in the civil war.
Ms Doubledome rides the new Chrysler air cooled Hemi.
Now where's that shifter?
An entry from the "Truth is Stranger than Fiction" category...
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-61763333
Car insurer Geico may have to pay $5m after woman contracts STI in a vehicle
A woman may be in for a $5.2m (£4.2m) payout after she allegedly contracted a sexually transmitted infection while having sex in a car.
The US woman, identified in court files as 'MO', said she caught the human papillomavirus (HPV) from having sex with her then-partner in his car.
This week, the Missouri Court of Appeals upheld a judgment that awarded MO a hefty settlement - to be paid by Geico, which insured the vehicle.
Geico is contesting the decision.
I saw that in my newspaper today. How crazy is that? I hope the insurance company can get the verdict overthrown, otherwise where does that kind of logic end up. :o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUHFXnOn7mI
Some small load of TNT should fix that company.
Nothing can stop the awesome superpowers of Tik Tok Dancing Ladies.
...maybe, but the Algorithm.
one more company run by algorithms apparently.
https://youtu.be/sglMO4-paHE
"Sending bananas to rob the bank isn't a good strategy."
Yup - not too "apeeling", just another example of being soft on crime. It's a slippery slope...
Gretta again... :o
I see someone was in a fowl mood... :o ;DNo pluck'n way!
...!
Always fun to hear from the perspective of the enlightened 1%, those guys that education actually stuck to! So...your daughter married Bill Nye the science guy? ;D ;D ;D
I don't get too many rattlers where I live but occasionally I'll get one in the walkway or somewhere they shouldn't be and those I'll gingerly nudge on their way with a very long stick!
Poking sticks at Aussie snakes can be a bad plan, they are likely to get aggressive rather than move on.
Encounter with an Eastern Brown linked below, they can be very aggressive and are very fast when agitated and the venom is many times more toxic than a Rattlesnake (though aside from all that, they can otherwise make good house pets and are safe for well trained children) ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3HUlZGOxtU
You Aussies have all the good wildlife! Venomous octopi, venomous crabs, and an amazing variety of neurotoxic snakes & spiders.
lol - political propaganda disguised as humour.
From an outside perspective the US political system looks a bit like Tweedledee and Tweedledum from Lewis Carroll.
Two almost identical political parties (both overtly right wing by world standards, the Republicans a touch more so than the Democrats who are more Centre Right) exaggerating their differences and blowing everything out of proportion for the sake of making some sort of point.
From a non-US point of view, the fact that two very similar major political parties contrive to generate so much hatred over what are actually very minor political differences and refuse to co-operate, ever, over anything, does not augur well for the future of the US.
Let's bring back the Whig Party. That is something that the U.S. hasn't tried for a while. ;D
This will be my only comment in the joke section from this point on as it better suited to other campfire threads. I agree, we don't have a liberal party to speak of as the green party never gained much momentum and is now gone. The Dems. are now what would have passed for the republican party back in the sixties. Each party caters to corporate interests, the right to a higher degree than the left, which is more centrist to be true left. The problem is the republican party keeps drifting farther to the right and the next time they hold full sway we will see the beginning of an unprecedented Christo- Fascist state in the US. There are still a few voices of reason on the right like Liz Cheney but Trumpism has gained a firm hold on the party. I am also of the opinion that the US is already an oligarchy run by the wealthy one percent and corporate interests. Depending on how you vote you either get oligarchy light or the full blown version. It's been some years now since I have voted in an election that I did not feel that I was voting for the lesser of two evils.. From my view in the trenches I do see a difference in the two parties and I'm still pissed at the Dems for throwing Bernie Sanders under the bus during the primaries, had he made it to the Whitehouse we would have a true progressive government at the moment instead of Uncle Joe's watered down version.I agree 100% No place for politics in humor ;D
...waiting for the Watergate jokes ...
When i was younger we had a baby joey for a while that mum had rescued, it lived in a sack hanging off the back of a chair as a substitute pouch. Cute but annoying, we set it free as soon as it was big enough to survive without help. Adult kangaroos are not good house pets or safe with children.
There used to be a show here called "Skippy" about a kangaroo. It seemed to be an Australian attempt at making "lassie" with a kangaroo instead of a dog.
They did not really bother training the kangaroos used on the show. In most of the close ups, where "Skippy" scratched on things to show the humans where the stolen-goods/lost-children/dead-bodies were stashed, was actually done by a prop assistant with a dead kangaroo paw attached to a stick.
Why did they call it 'Skippy the bush kangaroo'? Was that to differentiate it from Skippy the golf course kangaroo and Skippy the strip mall kangaroo?
Well there are actually Tree Kangaroos. Endangered though.
In mainland Australia there are two species, both are found up in the Tropical North, close to the Daintree. They are more slightly more common in PNG and Indonesia, but still rare.
Unlike the mythical dropbear it is relatively safe to walk under them.
(https://the-riotact.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/tree-roo-810x540.jpeg)
A tree is the last place I'd expect to find a kangaroo. Weird animals.
(https://pommepal.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/img_0951_3264x2448.jpg)
I was on the internet and found this... :o
As usual husbands should keep their mouths shut when answering a question from their wife.
I learned a long time ago when she asks "does this dress make my butt look big?" never, never, never give an honest answer! ;D
A good advice is always useful, so commimg directly to the point. What exactly would you reply? :D
The safe way out is to say without hesitation, "no dear you look just fine!" Another bit of advice I give newlywed husbands is don't give your wife a vacuum cleaner as a birthday present, DAMHIK ! ;D
I'd buy one... ;D ;D ;D
Where are the swedes ? Seem to only be Germans and English in that clip ?
A man says to his wife... I've never seen anyone argue like you.
You ask me a question...
You answer it for me...
Then tel me I'm wrong!
No violence, please.
Stop the Violets! ;)
(https://www.mtbr.com/cdn-cgi/image/format=auto,onerror=redirect,width=1920,height=1920,fit=scale-down/https://www.mtbr.com/attachments/558ee912-fe5c-4664-a6a9-f1d3e3327d8a-jpeg.2001367/)
A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a Waste Treatment Facility. And I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down. :DActially she would have been covered if her idiot governor had not blocked the affordable healthcare act in her state!
Funny how those states with "Crawl away under a bush & die" medical plans for the hoi polloi always seem to have good policies for the Legislators. The Golden Rule in action - Them what has the gold makes the rules
Too true! ;D
If you are a cat lover, don't look at this cartoon. :o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRdzw2Osl8o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTvw__S4fOg
Rick & Morty, season 6, episode 6....they're baaack....
The future protein supply is secured. 8)right about the time i become a vegetarian.
I just want to point out that those are "meal" worms, widely known amongst the aviary, reptile & fishing communities...and they look relatively "happy" too. :o 8)interesting. mealworms can digest polystyrene.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mealworm
Precious worms, if the chickens eat them up than what do I eat in the future? Polystyrene?
charge your e-car for 25 cents a minute!
Panzerkampfwagen VI Tiger Ausf. H
More specifically, it looks like the exact same tank used in the Fury movie, the last surviving operational Tiger in the world - #131 currently living at the Imperial Tank Museum at Bovington.
The regiment of the cat is unclear.
So still a valid concern then..it could happen.
Bobcat APC...Tiger Tank...Lion tank...Panther tank...Serval APC...Caracal/Rooikat tank...sure a lot of feline-themed fighting vehicles.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panzer_VII_L%C3%B6we
(Minimum required text)
Nature is wunnerful!+
What could go wrong... Scooter fun:D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQYlj69rGI8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQYlj69rGI8)
i'm a loner, dottie. a rebel.
yes, it's an e-bike. it saves my knees going up hills.
Der Spiegel shows India winning...
@1804:I don't get any of it !
the rest, i don't got.
Here are four funny cartoons that a friend just sent me.re #8, side effects:
re #8, side effects:Not a doctor ...but suggest you have your doc find a different statin. Often enough it is not the active ingredient that cause that kind of reactions but it is the various buffers, etc. that all pharmaceuticals have.
i just recently quit taking statins because of the "rare side effects", sneezing and 12-hour nosebleeds i was getting 2 or 3 times a week. dr. not happy about me quitting, but oddly enough the nosebleeds went away after about 2 weeks.
Not a doctor ...but suggest you have your doc find a different statin. Often enough it is not the active ingredient that cause that kind of reactions but it is the various buffers, etc. that all pharmaceuticals have.thank you, i appreciate the well-intended advice.
(https://scontent.fakl1-3.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/348901990_2014721945533856_5369380851905995938_n.jpg?_nc_cat=109&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=GW9guPBcgk0AX9W99KY&_nc_ht=scontent.fakl1-3.fna&oh=00_AfAiEIhwk3PKeLWQ2ncNqldN4w2XHew1WgeZ6EpjsoYq2A&oe=647096E0)I bet he's on statins.
(https://scontent.fakl1-3.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/348901990_2014721945533856_5369380851905995938_n.jpg?_nc_cat=109&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=8bfeb9&_nc_ohc=GW9guPBcgk0AX9W99KY&_nc_ht=scontent.fakl1-3.fna&oh=00_AfAiEIhwk3PKeLWQ2ncNqldN4w2XHew1WgeZ6EpjsoYq2A&oe=647096E0)
american tradition?Am I missing something -I haven't read all the article but isn't this mean to be joke of the day ?!
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/neuschwanstein-castle-women-attack-dead-b2358624.html
Japanese to English translation: Toyota = "I've forgotten where the auto supply is" ;)
Wrong Muppet character, that's Janice! ::)
https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Janice
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Trend-setting Miss Piggy. ;D
Looks like an improvement vs the status quo.
Nah, Status Quo were a different band altogether, English sort of electric boogey band with the same repetitive sus 4 or whatever riff appearing in every song.
My son kept nagging me to help him make paper airplanes.
Eventually I folded.
Sticking to the aviation theme:
Give a man a plane ticket, he’ll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane, he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
Anyone ever tell you that you have a warped sense of humor ? :D :D
Ummm....
Q: How can you tell when an American career politician is very, very sick?That is like the old joke ' How can you tell when a politician is lying. When you see them open their mouth.'
A: They go silent for three consecutive seconds. The silence is how you tell.
Q: How can you tell when a grouchy old man from Sweden is very, very sick?
A: You can't.
Two incomes are better than one.
Always make sure your partner has two jobs.
Follow me for more financial advice.
👍8) Phil's Army humor. ;)
A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.
“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.
“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”.
;D
people don't believe me when i tell them that retirement is hell.I sometimes miss commuting 80 miles a day in all weathers like i did for 7 years for a period ,or even commuting just 32 miles a day getting stuck in traffic on the local ring road.
every morning you must decide what to do. get out of bed? why? what day is it? who cares? what time is it? doesn't matter, not late for work. i swear if it wasn't for dr's appointments i wouldn't even need a calendar.
I sometimes miss...do i detect a hint of sarcasm?
Looking at my life now it amazes me I even had time to go to work,
and while I'm glad to be retired, I do miss the work and comradery that went with it.
A very well dressed frog walks into a bank and straight up to the teller. He can see from her name badge that she is Patricia Whack.Oi _ Hoiho ! That joke has to be a forum parole violation ....
"How may I help you?" Patricia asks.
"I'd like to borrow $30,000 so that I can go on a holiday." was his reply.
"Do you have any ID?"
"Yes I do." The frog produces his drivers licence. "I'm Kermit Jagger, son of Mick Jagger"
"Well you would need to secure the loan with some form of collateral. Do you have anything?"
"Yes Patricia I do." With that the frog reaches into his pocket and pulls out a perfectly formed miniature pink porcelain elephant and hands it to her saying "I'd like to secure the loan with this. It's alright I know the manager."
Patricia looks confused but asks Kermit to wait there while she goes to speak with the manager.
She knocks on his door and enters. "There is a frog outside by the name of Kermit Jagger and he says he knows you and that he wants a loan for $30,000 to go on holidays. He wants to secure the loan with this." Showing the manager the miniature elephant Patti asks "What even is it?"
The manager takes the elephant and looks at it quizically before responding
"It's a nic-nac, Patti Whack,
Give the frog a loan,
His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Here is a picture of your typical BMW GS rider as found by an AI search. ;DDid Orson Welles ride a BMW GS ?!
Runaway wheelie bin.
And who would we currently like to see end up like that squirrel ? !
Ah, the Sleep Clinic... been there, done that! ::)
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Ah, the Sleep Clinic... been there, done that! ::)Me too, every night.
A.