Unofficial Royal Enfield Community Forum
General Discussion => Campfire Talk => Topic started by: Bilgemaster on March 27, 2020, 02:16:32 pm
-
I happened to stumble upon this reposted and almost poetic stream-of-consciousness nugget on some BMW forum while searching for info concerning another thread here. (https://forum.classicmotorworks.com/index.php?topic=28235.msg322558#msg322558) Me? I always adore chatting with "road randos", but enjoyed reading this all the same...
≠=======================================
Do you dread that pointless bike conversation with a stranger?
This was posted on another site. Laughed my ass off...
Quote:
As I pull into the gas station on my black and orange Sportster, I am
already on the lookout. On Pump 1 I've got a middle-aged man driving a Valiant with an OCC sticker in the back window. Definite offender, better keep my distance. Pump 3, a younger guy with a 4x4 Toyata truck. A safer bet than Pump 1, but the retiree filling his Coupe DeVille at Pump 9 looks like my best option. I kill the motor and roll in to 8 as quiet as I can. Without getting off my bike or removing my helmet, I pull out my wallet, shove my card into the machine, pop the gas cap and grab the high octane nozzle. If my tank was bigger than a canteen, I wouldn't have to do this so often. But the man in the Cadillac is ignoring me, so it might turn out OK. BEEP BEEP, "Error. See Cashier". Dammit. I drop the kickstand, take off my helmet and glasses and get in line behind Cadillac Man. He pays for his gas and buys a banana. Who buys fruit at a gas station? By the time the cashier straightens me out, the Caddy next to my bike is replaced with an Expedition sporting a big giant HARLEY-DAVIDSON sticker on the back. Shit. I hoped this year would be different. I thought the hype was over. I prayed that I could go this entire year without having to discuss Jesse fucking James with some jackass American Chopper fanboy driving a rig with a bike sticker on it. He steps out of the vehicle and looks over at my bike, and I know all my hopes and dreams for the 2005 riding season are fucked. He walks up to me like I'm a hot peice of ass drinking a Manhattan alone at the bar. "Hey man, nice bike." That's usually how they start out. "Thanks" I say, trying to sound polite and rude at the same time. Obviously needing more from this conversation, he opts for the "establish the bad guy" approach. "I almost bought one of these last year but my wife wanted a new roof." Sometimes it's better to say nothing. It makes people uncomfortable and they leave. But every now and then, keeping quiet makes them start looking over the bike and asking more annoying questions. "That a custom exhaust?" Well, fuck. The word "custom" has been used. I panic but can only mutter out a "yep" before he launches into the inevitable banter that I was trying so hard to avoid. Once they say "custom", it's basically over. "Yeah man I was watching Orange County choppers the other day man did you see that spider web bike man that this was sweet they like fabricated all the parts for and stuff and you love choppers don't you because I think they're sweet and on American Chopper they made a trike out of a volkswagon and did all sorts of radical stuff and it was so awesome and I want to have Jesse Jame's man babies Chopper CHOPPer rake bike stretch custom chrome and the was a bike build-off on the discovery channel did you see it and the old guy was all pissed off at the young guys and they just argued the whole time but somehow they managed to make an awesome bike I bet you saw it yeah you love them too right they made it for Shaq for like $85,000 Chopper chopper chopper choppers chopper orange county american steel chopper bike chopper frame rake ape hangers custom custom custom custom custom I love the discovery channel so much OCC WCC BAD DOG CHOPPERS CHOPPERS INC OMG I want to put beach bars on my refrigerator and like put a lowering kit on it but you know the wife making me buy a car and a house instead man but if it was up to me I'd be living free and riding free on the open road just like Peter Fonda and Jack Nicolaus but I wouldn't get killed with a shotgun you know what I mean har har cause that would suck and I saw this documentary on Sturgis and all these people were there riding free and checking out the black hills rally rally bike bike custom chopper chopper fabricate chrome chrome chrome sturgis I was gonna ride to sturgis this year but I didn't have a bike and I had a trailer to bring it but the wife made me sell the trailer hitch so she could buy a new eddie bauer stroller for our baby and some cleets for my kids man I know my kids will grow up to be bikers but right now I'm doing the parenting thing and stuff I may look soft but I'm deep down a real hardcore free riding open road biker man just like you trust me if I had the dough I'd be cruisin with you just like Orange County Choppers check out this tattoo I got it's a maltese cross I don't know what that means but its all over every chopper thing because I love choppers you love choppers we all love choppers choppers choppserchopperschopperchopperchopper CHOPPERCHOPPERPEOHRHCHEOCPEPOCHEOR OMG OMG OMG CAN I HAVE SEX WITH YOUR BIKE AND SEND PICTURES TO JESSE JAMES I LOVE BIKES MAN BIKES BIKES BIKES CAUSE LIKE THE OTHER DAY I WAS BUYING SOME BEAN DIP FOR THE LITTLE LEAGUE PARENTS MEETING AND I WAS TALKING TO THIS OTHER GUY WHO REFS THE TIGERS AND HE WAS LIKE MAN ID TRADE IT ALL FOR A RIDE ON A CHOPPER BECAUSE I WATCH THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL 24 HOURS PER DAY BECAUSE ALL THEY EVER SHOW IS CHOPPER GARAGE SHOWS AND THOSE MEN ARE ROUGH AND TOUGH AND THEY WILL BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN JUST LIKE THE WOLF IN THE THREE LITTLE PIGS EXCEPT NOT A WOLF BUT LIKE A V-TWIN WITH A BIG WIDE OPEN EXHAUST WITH NO MUFFLER BECAUSE NOISE IS GOOD AND BIKES ARE GOOD AND I LOVE CHOPPERS CHOPPPERS BEACH BARS CHROME CHOPPER RAKE MAN, I'M GONNA MAKE ME A BIKE WITH LIKE SO MUCH RAKE THAT MY BARS JUST GO STRAIGHT OUT ALL THE WAY TO STURGIS AND CHOPPERS ARE COOL BECAUSE THEY CAN'T TURN UNLESS YOU HAVE A FOOTBALL FEILD BUT THATS OK BECAUSE I'M LIVING HARD AND RIDING FREE AND I WEAR CHAPS WHEN I GO TO SLEEP BECAUSE THATS HOW HARD CORE OF A BIKER I AM JUST LIKE JESSE JAMES AND JACK NICKALOOS EXCEPT I HAVE DON'T HAVE A FOOTBALL HELMET PAINTED GOLD BUT WOULDN'T THAT BE AWESOME JUST LIKE IN EASY RIDER MAN HEY WANT TO COME OVER TO MY HOUSE THE WIFE IS WATCHING THE BACHELOR II I HOPE SARAH WINS BUT ANYWAY I TAPED AMERICAN MONSTER CHOPPER GARAGE JAMES JAMES JESSE JAMES CO INC INC AND WE CAN WATCH IT IN THE KIDS ROOM BECAUSE THEY'RE AT PIANO LESSONS TILL 9 ohhh man ohhhh man I loves me some bikes fuck it man lets just go to the bar right now and sell this truck right now that's how hardcore I am I mea YOU KNOW ME MAN I DON'T EVEN GET BEHIND THE WHEEL TILL I'VE HAD A SIXER MAN I DRIVE BETTER WHEN IM DRUNK JUST LIKE JESSE JAMES YOU LIKE GRASS MAN IVE GOT GRASS WE CAN GO SMOKE SOME GRASS IN MY GARAGE JUST LIKE ON EASY RIDER BUT WILL HAVE TO MOVE THE KIDS BICYCLES OUT OF THE WAY BUT THATS OK BECAUSE WE'RE HARDCORE AND WE DONT GIVE A FUCK CHOPPER CHOPPER APE HANGER FOOTPEG BEACH BAR EASY RIDER CHOPPER CHOPPER CHROME CUSTOM FABRICATION PAINT 17 LAYER PAINT JOB BUT THE SEAT MAKES MY ASS SORE SO NORMALLY I LIKE TO GET A GOOD SIZED PILLOW AND PUT IT DOWN THERE FOR COMFORT YOU KNOW HOW IT IS AFTER RIDING FREE FOR SO LONG YOUR ASS GETS A LITTLE SORE BUT YOU GET USED TO IT AND YOU LEARN TO LOVE IT RIGHT MAN AM I RITE? blah blah blah" By now I'm about 6 miles away wishing Sportsters had bigger gas tanks and planning new strategies to avoid repetition # 193 of this pointless conversation. Pointless, just like a chopper. Especially the over-the-top ones on the Discovery Channel. They are cartoon bikes. Choppers are the Desert Eagle .50 of motorcycles. Big and badass and striking and different but for all logistical and practical and resonable purposes, completely fucking useless.
-
Thanks for the giggles. Sounds like describing my cousin from West Virginia.
-
I know that guy.
-
But isn't a Desert Eagle good for killing people with? IDK, I've never tried.
-
But isn't a Desert Eagle good for killing people with? IDK, I've never tried.
Well, in the post-apocalyptic hellscape to come that .50 caliber just doesn't leave much left to cannibalize, does it. What little remains is scarcely worth firing up the barbie. Still, it might be handy for stopping one of those caged Mad Max marauder style vehicles with some rando townsperson lashed athwart the bonnet right in its tracks. Drop that engine block right into the cruel sands, leaving those mohawked, masked, and assless chaps wearing freaks with a long and embarrassing walk back to the Thunderdome.
-
Wicked. I've already started dressing like this anyway, just in case... .
If you weren't looking for meat, the .50 would likely disassemble someone just fine. Biggest I used was a. 45 and that would have stung.
-
Wicked. I've already started dressing like this anyway, just in case... .
If you weren't looking for meat, the .50 would likely disassemble someone just fine. Biggest I used was a. 45 and that would have stung.
As I've already mentioned once on this Forum, anyone who uses a .45 should probably just use a pickaxe.
-
As I've already mentioned once on this Forum, anyone who uses a .45 should probably just use a pickaxe.
I'll have to give it a try some time.
-
Kinda been there before a few times. I stopped taking my helmet off at gas stations when riding the British Racing Green Triumph Thunderbird. People love the color and the retro style but the uncomfortable attention of people that just want to talk and waste time isn’t my cup of tea.
The Enfield 650 attracts the same folks.
-
Riding a Bullet is the antidote to unwanted attention!
It's the least-noticed bike I ever owned.
-
Kinda been there before a few times. I stopped taking my helmet off at gas stations when riding the British Racing Green Triumph Thunderbird. People love the color and the retro style but the uncomfortable attention of people that just want to talk and waste time isn’t my cup of tea.
The Enfield 650 attracts the same folks.
Ural even has a term for it. UDF or Ural Delay Factor, that time answering questions every time you stop. At least the RE usually only attracts bikers.
-
I had breakfast with a friend today who works for several local radio stations maintaining their transmitter equipment. For some unknowable reason, a local county sheriff pulled him over on Friday while he was driving a company truck and asked him why he was driving around when he should have been sheltering at home. Once he pulled out his Homeland Security letter stating that he was authorized to be on the road as he is maintaining critical communications infrastructure, the cop walked away without saying anything else. This was a couple of days after the county DA said that he would prosecute anyone not obeying the shelter in place regulations and 6' social distancing. What a bunch of jerks. Surely they must have something better to do. >:(
I visited Alice's Restaurant today in the Santa Cruz Mountains. (I stuck to the back roads and away from major roads, which the cops were patrolling in force. The place was pretty much deserted and only selling takeout meals. Their dining room was closed but their parking lot was not. Photos attached.
-
Riding a Bullet is the antidote to unwanted attention!
It's the least-noticed bike I ever owned.
Makes me wonder what your other rides must look like...
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a8/35/37/a8353787854e62f95731c6b58d2e8b9c.jpg)
-
Well guys, I am being shamed in the BMW RS forum for being selfish and endangering the health of the public by riding by myself to Alice's Restaurant for breakfast as a way to help them stay open and as a way for me to get out into the woods and go for a ride. (It is legal here to visit a restaurant that remains open to order takeout meals.) I note that the people whining about my 60-mile (round trip) Sunday morning ride and breakfast are all residents of the UK. I guess they are not a happy crowd right now and would like to make sure that everyone else is as unhappy as they are. ::)
-
Ask 'em if they'd like you to mail 'em a rectal swab.
-
I note that the people whining about my 60-mile (round trip) Sunday morning ride and breakfast are all residents of the UK. I guess they are not a happy crowd right now and would like to make sure that everyone else is as unhappy as they are. ::)
The regulations where you live are obviously different from the regulations here. We are not allowed to drive / ride anywhere that isn't a necessity.
Perhaps the whingers should appreciate that you are not under the same restrictions as they are.
Not a happy crowd? you're damn right! weeks and weeks of cold and rain, then when the good riding weather comes - we're on lockdown :'(
Frank
-
In California we are being pulled in two directions. One group of regulators and politicians tell us to patronize grocery stores, banks, auto dealerships, repair shops, restaurants that still remain open for takeout meals, and to go to on walks and hikes to get exercise and fresh air. They do not mention a limit to the travel distance to visit these businesses or recreational areas, although as people crowd many of these areas, they do end up with their parking lots and facilities shut down - and then the crowds move to other areas that remain open and overcrowd them.
On the other hand, another group of people, like medical professionals, other politicians (like city mayors) and police chiefs, are demanding that everyone stay home and are threatening to arrest anyone that they perceive are out and about without any good reason.
It is all very confusing without any hard and fast rules, leaving most of the public to pick and choose how they want to live under the threat of catching and transmitting the virus. We are not in a type of lock-down that is anything like what is happening in many UK and South American countries. At least not yet.
So right now, I am doing what the first group recommends, taking precautions by keeping myself isolated from other people by at least the recommended 6 feet. This is really easy for me to do as I live by myself and only travel by motorcycle. But I don't plan to stop traveling anywhere by myself on my motorcycle unless the rules become more specific and the legal consequences more obvious.
-
Here is a scary article published in my newspaper today regarding staying safe while pumping gas. Fortunately, I have a box of disposable nitrile gloves that I use when working on my motorcycles. However, finding disinfectant wipes and sprays, paper towels and similar items to clean the fuel pump handle and pump operation pads is almost impossible right now.
Another article today mentioned that all 23 county parks are closed in my county, so the park department is saying that their usual visitors will have to travel further than normal to find trails that remain open. Like I said, we are getting conflicting messages.
-
Never really thought about petrol pumps before Covid-19 kicked in.
Now I stop and think about, it's one of the easiest ways to transmit. From pay at the pump (UK) to steering wheel to lord knows where.
I'll certainly be changing the way I fill up in the future!
Once I get the Enfield an MOT (not likely now, even with MOT rules relaxed) or get out in the car of course. Could be some time .....
-
Pay at the pump seems like a fast way to spread. From now on, I believe I will carry a stick or popsicle stick to press the number pad at the fill pump. People touch those all day long and you don't know where they have been.
-
I carry a box of gloves and some sanitizer for shopping and gassing up. At first I got odd looks but now gloves are common.
The lake near my house is legally closed but I walk around it daily, keeping distance from the few other people. I encountered a big diamondback on the trail that made me forget current events for a while. :o Life goes on.
-
Unfortunately, there is at least one group of people not paying attention to the virus danger or any lock-down regulations:
Last night's TV news reported on, and included a video taken by an adjacent resident, of a group of some 400 young people standing next to each other at an intersection in the city of Oakland, California, while some jerks performed a "sideshow", with their cars spinning around the intersection, hanging out the windows and doing other stupid things. When the cops arrived everyone scattered. Sadly, one of the participants crashed his car trying to elude the cops a short distance away killing an innocent pedestrian who was walking on the sidewalk at the time. He was the only person who was arrested. That ought to really help the spread of the Corona virus in Oakland, but apparently these young people (most looked like teenagers and men and women in their 20's) could care less. >:(
-
Last thing I did last night, on the way home, was fill up with fuel. Started feeling unwell and sent home from work today (NHS). All the symptoms and pretty rough right now.
Obviously, I had it when I filled up. Too late to warn anyone, even if I knew how to contact them.
Take care.
-
Get well soon Ove.
Perhaps let the petrol station know?
-
Sorry to hear you're under the weather. Stay as comfy as you can, and may you be one of the fortunate for whom it's "no big deal."
Please keep us posted if you feel up to it.
-
All the best, Ove. Take care mate.
-
Thank you. Very hot head and neck, gravel in my throat, only slight tightness in my chest. Ache all over. No cause for concern.
-
Hope you get over it OK mate, Look after yourself.
Frank
-
I agree. Best wishes for a speedy recovery and lets all hope that once you recover from the virus you become immune and never have to experience the symptoms again.
-
Best wishes and please keep us posted while you recover.
-
I had heard day 3 is potentially a bit worse, now a bit chesty and bad throat, which made sleeping tough. Otherwise physically fine. Just need some sleep!
I've decided I'm not going to recommend this to friends and family. Better to stay clear.
Saw a funny post quoting one of our politicians asking the UK govt to 'Free the Covid 19'. Plan to make it into a T-shirt.
Stay safe.
-
I have been hearing that sleep is a good thing when you are sick, Ove. It helps your immune system beat the flu. Pleasant dreams and best wishes.
-
But get you to a hospital if it gets worse!
-
Well, crap. My county has just ordered that travel to "nonessential" services, such as hiking areas and going for a joy ride can not exceed a distance of 5 miles. That wouldn't even get me to the city limits of my town. >:(
-
Well, crap. My county has just ordered that travel to "nonessential" services, such as hiking areas and going for a joy ride can not exceed a distance of 5 miles. That wouldn't even get me to the city limits of my town. >:(
I don't get the rationale for that 5 mile limit. What possible medical purpose does that serve? Just sounds like we're pandering to some Segway-riding eco-twit's agenda there.
-
I don't get the rationale for that 5 mile limit. What possible medical purpose does that serve? Just sounds like we're pandering to some Segway-riding eco-twit's agenda there.
I think they just spun a roulette wheel to pick the number of miles. It is a lot easier to do that than attempt to justify the number by any sort of science. You know how politicians are, they just use the broad-stroke method of solving a problem. One size regulation fits all. ::)
Now the state regulators want everyone to wear a mask of some sort when going outside their home. >:(
-
Now the state regulators want everyone to wear a mask of some sort when going outside their home. >:(
(https://www.pikpng.com/pngl/b/33-333311_image-of-3d-printed-mask-gas-mask-motorcycle.png)
-
(https://miro.medium.com/max/2688/1*tAjCSeW8ezjG3EV9jWRrxw.jpeg)
-
Let me know if you dont want to hear this :)
Am on day 4. Throat as bad as ever, grabbing half an hours sleep at a time at night before paracetamol wears off and too painful to sleep. Thankfully, so far my lungs are pretty clear and breathing is fine. Tired.
-
Let me know if you dont want to hear this :)
Well I certainly do - please keep us updated.
Frank
-
All the best, mate. Hope you get some quality rest.
-
Here's a few pics of the outdoors for you guys incarcerated at home. A mate and I (and his kids) went down the coast to throw a few toy aeroplanes off a cliff. Beautiful day for it.
In other news, a few confirmed covid19 cases in my suburb, contracted from a shop staffed by someone who went to the airport. A bit of a wake up call...
-
Beautiful. Where?
-
This is Second Valley in South Australia. A beautiful spot we discovered for slope and dynamic soaring.
How you feeling today?
-
Thanks. No change really. Impression is the body is struggling to fight it.
-
Thanks. No change really. Impression is the body is struggling to fight it.
Hoping for the best. One story I heard on the radio was the retired doctor insisting it was just a little cough and he's been napping in the daytime. His daughter, also a physician insisted he go to urgent care. His blood oxygen level was so low they admitted him to the hospital where he's been for over a week. Too many stories of people getting sick and not taking it seriously.
Don't be too hard on the cops who would arrest a lone biker in the desert or a lone paddle boarder at sea. They get paid to enforce the rules, not try to figure out if they make sense.
-
I seem to be stringing this out a bit! Managed a good night's sleep. Still have a temperature, but feel more human today. It makes you really tired. Even my throat has a tired feeling to it. Blood oxygen checked with one of those finger clamp devices my wife has and only slightly down. Thanks for suggesting that. This is the best I've felt for a week, would just like to get to a normal temperature. I think this is day 7.
-
Good to hear, Ove. Keep up the good work! :)
-
So good to hear you're on the mend.
-
yup, good to hear. 8)
-
Temperature normal ;D Relief sky-high. Exhausted. Like jet lag.
I'm 55, fit, slim, otherwise healthy and without doubt, I have the impression my body has been tested.
Take care and look after you and yours. Thank you for your encouragement,
Martin
-
Congratulations, Ove. You beat the bug. :)
-
Happy days!
-
That's excellent news Ove :D
-
Thank you. Look after yourselves,
Martin
-
Hi, I went back to work 1/2 days this week and am pretty much fully recovered.
Thank you for your good wishes and I apologise for being a bit of a drama queen!
It is like a mix of pretty bad flu and glandular fever or tonsilitis. But, being under the cloud of people dying , there's a sense of foreboding, or at least extra concern. Two and a half weeks from day 1, I'm still tired and a bit lifeless, but the world seems a sunnier more vibrant place!
The hospital where I work (only in Admin), has nearly doubled its morgue, with temporary buildings. It's regular seeing the trolleys being wheeled in. There are heroic people on the front line, taking risks to care for folk. My family are now doing their bit by isolating as much as they can, to get the infection ratio down. Hopefully we can then get back to something a bit nearer normal as soon as possible.
I thought I'd just update and wish you the best. I hope you stay safe and well and we can get back on our bikes with our mates before too long. :)
-
Glad you've recovered! My family and I suffered a from some illness two-three weeks ago now and even though our symptoms were mild compared to many others', it's left me weaker post-illness than anything I've ever had, save Dengue. Take it easy getting back to activity!
-
Good on you, Martin. And all the best to your family.
Here in South Australia, the transmission rate is way down. Probably partly due to the low population density compared with places like Rome and New York. But also because people are doing the right thing, taking one for the team and staying home or practicing good distancing practices.
My sis works as an anaesthetist at a city hospital. She's taking a few days off work because it's so quiet in there. Elective surgery has been postponed, people aren't getting CV flu and because of the social distancing thing they're not getting the other illnesses and injuries that normally keep her busy either.
We're still able to go to the shops here, there are restrictions on how many in the shop at a time though. We're also still able to go out to exercise and in some cases, work. So for me riding, surfing, flying toy aeroplanes are still options. All activities that are fairly solitary in any case. This weekend, I'm taking the kids to the river to go skiing. There's only the 5 of us, we live together anyway and won't come into contact with other people up there so again low risk activity. And petrol is so cheap right now!
I feel for those that are more or less imprisoned in their homes at this time.
-
Such a joy to hear good news. I hope you recover fully and can play again.
I'm hunkered down with SWMBO in California and glad most people are voluntarily cooperating.
At our age we have enough trouble already. I rode my Bullet a little and enjoyed my sweet new Barnett clutch.
-
Tonight
-
Afternoon perfection