Author Topic: JOTD  (Read 188557 times)

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Richard230

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Reply #1320 on: May 13, 2021, 02:29:01 pm
 Advantages and disadvantages to various places where you could retire:

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…
1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

 OR

 You can retire to California where..
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say, "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different," "She is different," or "It was different!"

OR

You can retire to The Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder. ”
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart” at the end!

OR

 You can move to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

OR

You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition; "Where's my coat at?"

OR

FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM Duke 390, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #1321 on: May 17, 2021, 02:40:15 pm
Here are some jokes for 2021.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM Duke 390, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


AzCal Retred

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Reply #1322 on: May 17, 2021, 06:07:49 pm
Thanks for the "...Hotdogs & McChickens..." poster; Painfully funny!
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Nitrowing

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Reply #1323 on: May 28, 2021, 12:56:08 pm
Random
No wonder we no longer have a motor industry


Richard230

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Reply #1324 on: June 04, 2021, 07:07:02 pm
Here is a joke from a Frank & Ernest a cartoon in my newspaper today that I thought was kind of funny:  The medical school professor asks his students: "who can define a bone ". The reply is" "the shortest distance between two joints".  ::)
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM Duke 390, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #1325 on: June 06, 2021, 01:49:33 pm
This morning's funny cartoons.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM Duke 390, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #1326 on: June 06, 2021, 01:50:31 pm
Batch two.  :)
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM Duke 390, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Nitrowing

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Reply #1327 on: June 06, 2021, 02:40:34 pm
... ;D
No wonder we no longer have a motor industry


Richard230

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Reply #1328 on: June 09, 2021, 03:29:46 pm
Here are a few more cartoons.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM Duke 390, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Nitrowing

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Reply #1329 on: June 09, 2021, 05:40:44 pm
 ;D
No wonder we no longer have a motor industry


Nitrowing

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Reply #1330 on: June 13, 2021, 03:04:15 am
 ;D
No wonder we no longer have a motor industry


Richard230

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Reply #1331 on: June 13, 2021, 02:23:18 pm
A 95 year old man goes in for his annual check up, only to find his old doctor has passed away.

The young replacement checks him over and tells him he's in great shape for his age.

"Aren't you forgetting something? Old doc Johnson always checked my sperm count.”

"But you're 95" replies the youngster.

The old man persists and gets his way. The doctor gives him a specimen bottle and tells him to return it with his sample.

A few days later the old man returns with his head hung low and hands him the empty jar. The doctor smiles "Have a little trouble old timer?"

The old man replies "Doc, I tried with my left hand and I tried with my right. Edith, God bless her, she tried with her teeth in and she tried with her teeth out...



but we CANNOT get the lid off this bottle.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM Duke 390, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Nitrowing

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Reply #1332 on: June 17, 2021, 10:02:04 pm
 ???
No wonder we no longer have a motor industry


derottone

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Reply #1333 on: July 05, 2021, 09:01:26 pm
https://youtu.be/isO8wilO1zg

...best wife ever.  ;D ;D ;D
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AzCal Retred

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Reply #1334 on: July 06, 2021, 05:04:27 am
Good one! - ACR -
A trifecta of Bullets: a Red Deluxe 500, a Green Standard 500, and a Black ES 350.