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Author Topic: Funny Bullet stories.  (Read 996 times)


  • Bulleteer
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Funny Bullet stories.
« on: February 01, 2010, 11:01:09 am »
What are your funny bullet stories.

I love to hang out at the dealers because there is always something funny as hell going to happen in the next 2 minutes.

You have to look at the complete situation with humor. Else youll land up killing your self. Or just getting frustrated.

Funny stuff I never tire of watching.

New Bullet owner rides in with complaint. (STD 350).
First question he is asked. How fast have you been on the bike.
God help the fellow if his answer is over 50 Kmph.

Its like admitting to having sex with your mother or sister. Or being Jack the riper.
The scolding that is then meted out takes you back to your school days. Where the teacher is shouting at you.

After a series of Oh no, oh no, oh no. And a long lecture about how critical run in is.
Your in the mood to run away and just escape with what dignity you have left.
I never tire of seeing the poor Bullet owner who is stupid enough to come in with a problem and then admits to doing 55 KMPH. After he crossed the 1000K mark.

Off course when they tried that with me. I just kept repeating the word Rubish.
Anything I was told I just responded with a Rubish.
Now south Indians with their non stop diet of rice. Rice cakes for breakfast lunch and dinner. Ensures they are the most spaced out. Chilled out stoned guys in the country.

Its very hard to get a south Indian to loose his cool. But after my 10th Rubish he was starting to loose his cool..

I said dude if I put the bike in 5th gear and even let it idle Im doing more than 50. So now your telling me I shouldn't even use the 5th gear ?

Then there was this guy with his new Bullet. Just completed 1500 and 10 Km on the odo. Very worried. He is standing around biting his finger nails. Almost in tears.

So I go up to him and ask him hi. Whats up. ?
He goes well I bought this new bike.
For the last 1500 Kms I have not gone past 50 Kmph. As advised by the dealer.
But yesterday I finished 1500 and thought I would try taking the bike to 55 Kmph.
And it seized on me.
I was rolling on the floor in splits. And he was most offended.

Lucky for me a mechanic appeared and saved me. The problem was explained to the mechanic. The mechanic hoped onto the bike whacked the throttle open and roared down the road. He returned a few minutes latter with a big grin and a verdict of its fine sir. Nothings wrong Enjoy the bike. But the owner goes. It was a bad seziure. The rear wheel locked up. I had to let it cool down before it would even start.
Thats ok sir. Thats normal. Its fine now.

He is the same mechanic who test rode my bike each time Ive been there with an issue. And his verdict has always been the same its fine sir.
If pushed really hard. The response goes from its fine. To that's just the way it is with bullets didnt you know that. The way he says it makes you feel like your the bigest retard on the planet.

Now if you really want entertainment. Then you have got to meet up with the "Reputed" Bullet guys.
They have stories and cures for nearly any ailment your bullet can have.
Engine keeps locking up.
Ah you must have not boiled this pistons in a pressure cooker with potatoes.
Why Potatoes ?
Potatoes have starch.
How does that help ?
It makes the pistons stiff.

Then there are the secrets that you will only learn if your a trusted Bullet guy.
like you need to mix 2t oil in your tank. Thats the only sure shot way of not seizing your engine.

what do all Bullet owner have in common other than their Paunch ?
They drink like fish.
Why do heavy drinkers like the bullet.
Its the only bike you can drive even when dead drunk. You just get on it and gas it. The bike pretty much balances it self.

Its the easiest bike to ride drunk or sober.

And the funniest bit off all ?
Every single self respecting work shop owner mechanic or garage has declared the UCE bullet a failure.

Why ?
a. They are intimated by it. They have no exposure to things like EFI or Hydrazine tappets.
b. They hate the fact that the bike starts and runs fine.
c. They hate the fact that the UCE customers are not visiting them with requests to sort out oil leaks.. For most bullet owners they spend more time with their mechanics and in their work shops then they spend at home.

A bullet that has EFI, doesn't leak, and runs fine from day 1. Its just too much for them to handle. So they hate the bike with a vengeance.

If you look at it from an entertainment point of view.
Ive never had more fun or been more entertained in my life.
Would I do it again i.e. Buy a bullet if again if I had a time machine.
In a heart beat. Ive not had this much fun with any other bike.



  • Grand Gearhead
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Re: Funny Bullet stories.
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2010, 05:43:29 pm »
I was once at a gas station, and the bike attracted the attention of a few people.

They wanted to hear it start and run.
Unbeknownst to me, the intake manifold rubber had just split on the way into the gas station, and had a big hole in it, but i didn't know it ...yet.
I tried to kickstart the bike
The resulting kickback blew the carb right off the engine, right in front of everybody.
I didn't have a spare rubber hose for the intake with me, so i went into the gas station and got some duct tape, wrapped up the torn hose, and it lasted  the 5 miles ntil I got home.

What an embarrassment!

It always happens when people are watching.


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Re: Funny Bullet stories.
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2010, 05:52:17 pm »
good stories.. I don't have any yet.. except from the English guy down the street that had a continental kit on the one he had when he lived in England..


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Re: Funny Bullet stories.
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2010, 09:36:18 pm »
Pulled over to do a plug chop, no problems there. There i was finishing putting things back in order to go home when the locals arrive home...... (everybody knows this is when things go downhill) Long story short, 5 minutes of kicking, decompressing, and choking in no particular order after the first 3 minutes results in nodda.

Thats what happens when you don't put the wire back on your plug..... Quietly attach wire and Enfield starts easy!
'03 Ex-Electric start 500....gone but not forgotten...

I'm a fuel injected suicide machine. I am the rocker, I am the roller, I am the out-of-controller!


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Re: Funny Bullet stories.
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2010, 09:49:59 pm »


  • Scooter
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Re: Funny Bullet stories.
« Reply #5 on: February 02, 2010, 06:30:20 am »
Somebody mistakenly switched off the Kill switch and i was trying to kick start the bike for hours and finally came to know about it ;D ;D..lesson learnt with full of leg pain :'(...happened when i was new to bullet
« Last Edit: February 02, 2010, 06:32:34 am by rajactech »

1980 RE STD 350


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Re: Funny Bullet stories.
« Reply #6 on: February 02, 2010, 08:56:31 am »
  After replacing/decoking the head and gasket last summer Iwas eager to see what the fruits of my labor produced.  Started the bike and turned to grab my cup of coffee from the work bench..hey where's that oil coming from?  DOH!! Forgot to reinstall the pushrod cover.  Told my cousin who was standing in the shop I was checking for oil return flow.  Felt like a real DEE, DEE, DEE.

Will Morrison
2007 500 Military
2000 Kawasaki Drifter 1500
2000 Victory V92SC
1976 Suzuki GT185 Rebuilder Special..AKA (Junkyard Dog)
Many, many other toys.
The garage is full.


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Re: Funny Bullet stories.
« Reply #7 on: February 02, 2010, 09:29:26 am »
It didn't seem too funny at the time but I once melted a boot heel on that big stock muffler.
2009 Triumph Bonneville T100
2004 Royal Enfield Sixty-5 (RIP)
2001 Kawasaki W650 (going, going...gone)


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Re: Funny Bullet stories.
« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2010, 01:25:27 pm »
The embarrassing things always happen when people are looking. On the very rare occasion that I use the sidestand, it's always just after I've filled the tank to the brim and gasoline gushes from the cap, usually in front of my auto mechanic or someone like that.

Then there was the time a rear turn signal vibrated off on my way to CT for winter storage and I had the ferry crew running around to find duct tape to keep my tail light cover on.


Rick O'Shea

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Re: Funny Bullet stories.
« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2010, 09:52:37 pm »
Pulled up to a Harley dealership as the only non- HD entry in a toys for tots run 8). The bike runs out of gas because I had it in the "reserve" position not the "on" position as I thought ???. The kindly HD folks offered to top me off, I just had to push it around to the other side of the dealership directly in front of two or three hundred cheering Harley riders.  :D ;D :D X 100
« Last Edit: February 02, 2010, 09:55:39 pm by Rick O'Shea »
REA member #161 riding a 2004 Sixty-5                                      1978 Yamaha XS650E


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Re: Funny Bullet stories.
« Reply #10 on: February 03, 2010, 06:01:17 am »
Somebody mistakenly switched off the Kill switch and i was trying to kick start the bike for hours and finally came to know about it ;D ;D..lesson learnt with full of leg pain :'(...happened when i was new to bullet

Oh - I have SO been there and done that!! Hahaha!! Those pesky "save you from yourself" switches will get me more certainly than a sidestand switch on a C5!!   ;D
Spare the pig iron - spoil the part!