I think I've fixed the issue!
Upon unstrapping Vera's (I named my bike Vera Lynn) battery bra and removing the battery, I found the lug to the ground on the battery completely broken. I replace the connector, and it has power now.
Thank you all very much for jumping all over this problem with me! It really sucks that i'm having to work on a brand new bike, but I wouldn't trade her for anything. At the very least I've learned more about how my bike is made.