[Richard230]

A blind bunny and a blind snake bump into each other on the path. "What kind of animal are you?" asks the snake. "I really don't know," says the bunny. "I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?" So, the snake felt the bunny. "Well, you're soft and cuddly," said the snake. "You have long silky ears and a little fluffy tail. You must be a bunny!" "Awesome!" says the bunny. "Now what kind of animal are you?" "I really don't know," says the snake. "I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?" So, the bunny feels the snake all over, and he replies, "You're hard and cold, and you haven't got any balls. You must be a politician"

[Richard230]

I saw this cartoon in my newspaper today and I thought most of us would appreciate it.   

[The Old Coot]

I'll have to ask WildBill if he has a can or two.

[Richard230]

IA mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that's something you could ask the stewardess" So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."

[gizzo]

I'll have to ask WildBill if he has a can or two.

That's kind of a staple in an Aussie shed. Gets the mower going, every time and is handy to have if you have a shitty old Seagull outboard motor. It's a real thing.

[Richard230]

Went to a costume party dressed as a chicken. Met a cute girl dressesd as a egg. Answered the old question. It was the chicken.

[Richard230]

Time for some funny cartoons.   

[Richard230]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=23&v=JHGgv6p7uVI

[Richard230]

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS QUESTION: What's for dinner?
SAFER QUESTION: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST QUESTION: Where would you like to go for dinner?

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

And my personal favorite...! ..
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!

[Richard230]

The Kindness of the Irish: The Irish are always the first ones to come to the aid of their fellow man. Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience." When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our 10-hour flight. Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still, have 40 dinners available."

[Richard230]

Continuing Education
Mick: I've been going to Night Classes every night for 5 months now.
Paddy: oh!
Mick: For example, do you know who Alexander Graham Bell is?
Paddy: No
Mick: He's the inventor of the telephone in 1876; If you took night classes you'd know this.

The next day,
Mick: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Paddy: No
Mick: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers".
If you took night classes, you'd know this.

The next day, once again:
Mick: And do you know who Jean-Jacques Rousseau is?
Paddy: No
Mick: He's the author of "The Confessions"
If you took night classes, you'd know this.

By now, Paddy is becoming irritated:
And you Mick ... Do you know who Sean Reilly is?
Mick: No
Paddy: He's the fellow who's bonking your wife!
If you stopped going to night classes, you'd know this!

[Richard230]

I have no idea if this is true or not, but it could very well be:

This notice can now be found in all French churches:
                     
It is possible that on entering this church, you may hear the Call of God.
On the other hand, it is not likely that he will contact you by phone.
Thank you for turning off your phone.
If you would like to talk to God, come in, choose a quiet place, and talk to him.
If you would like to see him, send him a text while driving.

[gizzo]

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He was grateful to be picked up, but a bit surprised.

"thanks for the ride", he said,  "but aren't you worried I might be a serial killer or something? "

"not really." I replied. "the chances against two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical."

[Richard230]

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society'.
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?' 'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery, asked the couple'? 'Because I'm the artist, who painted the picture,' he replied. 'In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.

[Richard230]

Mike was going to be married to Jane, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on! She did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' I replied, 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night we have never had any problems. ''Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be good thing to try. On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Jane, 'Here try these on.' She tried them on and said, 'These are too large, they don't fit me.' Mike said, 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family, and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.' Then Jane took off her pants, and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine.' He did and said, 'I can't get into your pants.' Jane said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will.' And they lived happily ever after!