Author Topic: JOTD  (Read 91450 times)

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Richard230

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Reply #975 on: January 11, 2019, 09:31:13 am
For my birthday, my friend bought me a book called "Road Kill Recipes". As luck would have it, the next day I came across some road kill so I cooked it according to one of the recipes in the book and it was delicious. I'm just not sure what to do with the bike.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #976 on: January 11, 2019, 09:31:35 am
I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #977 on: January 11, 2019, 09:32:09 am
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one. She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

My girlfriend is a porn star. She'll kill me if she finds out.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #978 on: January 11, 2019, 09:32:36 am
During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall whilst carrying the coffin and when they do so they hear a faint moan. So they open the casket only to find that the woman inside is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years after this and then eventually dies and so there's another funeral for her. At the end of the service, as the pallbearers carry out the casket, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #979 on: January 11, 2019, 09:33:08 am
I'll never forget my Granddad's last words to me just before he died... " Are you still holding the ladder?"
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #980 on: January 14, 2019, 09:15:54 am
I thought my vasectomy would keep my girlfriend from getting pregnant but apparently all it does is change the color of the baby.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Bert Remington

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Reply #981 on: January 22, 2019, 10:22:17 pm
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Arizoni

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Reply #982 on: February 18, 2019, 05:44:11 pm
A very young boy was sitting on a bench in the park smoking a cigar and eating candy bars.

After watching the boy for a short while, an old lady walked over to the boy and said, "You really shouldn't be smoking cigars or eating all of that candy.  It is not good for you."

The boy looked at her and said, "My grandfather lived to be 102 years old."

The lady said, "And, did he smoke cigars and eat a lot of candy?"

The boy said, "No.  He minded his own damned business."
Jim
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Richard230

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Reply #983 on: February 24, 2019, 07:50:54 am
A blind bunny and a blind snake bump into each other on the path. "What kind of animal are you?" asks the snake. "I really don't know," says the bunny. "I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?" So, the snake felt the bunny. "Well, you're soft and cuddly," said the snake. "You have long silky ears and a little fluffy tail. You must be a bunny!" "Awesome!" says the bunny. "Now what kind of animal are you?" "I really don't know," says the snake. "I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?" So, the bunny feels the snake all over, and he replies, "You're hard and cold, and you haven't got any balls. You must be a politician"
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #984 on: February 24, 2019, 04:16:58 pm
I saw this cartoon in my newspaper today and I thought most of us would appreciate it.   ;)
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


The Old Coot

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Reply #985 on: February 24, 2019, 04:47:35 pm
I'll have to ask WildBill if he has a can or two.

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Richard230

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Reply #986 on: February 25, 2019, 02:27:44 pm
IA mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that's something you could ask the stewardess" So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


gizzo

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Reply #987 on: February 26, 2019, 11:18:07 pm
I'll have to ask WildBill if he has a can or two.


That's kind of a staple in an Aussie shed. Gets the mower going, every time and is handy to have if you have a shitty old Seagull outboard motor. It's a real thing.
simon from south Australia
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Richard230

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Reply #988 on: March 08, 2019, 04:36:15 pm
Went to a costume party dressed as a chicken. Met a cute girl dressesd as a egg. Answered the old question. It was the chicken.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #989 on: March 09, 2019, 04:00:23 pm
Time for some funny cartoons.   ;D
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1