[chuychacon]

he must of been a joke writer for Bob Hope, Johnny Carson......etc

[Richard230]

It is squirrel day. 

[Richard230]

 An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite pan fried drop scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite scones. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon .......  She said................ "F**k off' "they're for the funeral."

[Richard230]

The forum isn't liking my jokes today. Let's see if it will absorb some funny religious cartoons.   

[Richard230]

Since that worked, here are some more. 

[Richard230]

And now for some old fart cartoons. 

[Richard230]

The latest news from Detroit. 

[Richard230]

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears; she is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking. After awhile, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?' She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, and more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?' The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says: 'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'

[Scotty Brown]

Two older Motorcycle riders

[Richard230]

Irish Burial at Sea: Mick and Paddy had promised their Uncle Seamus, who had been a seafaring gent all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept their promise. They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat. After a while Mick says, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?' Without a word Paddy slips over the side only to find himself standing in water up to his knees. 'Dis'll never do, Mick. Let's row some more.' After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again but the water is only up to his belly, so they row on. Again Mick asks Paddy, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out Paddy?'
Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No dis'll neva do.' The water was only up to his chest. So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Mick is really getting himself into a state when suddenly Paddy breaks the surface gasping for breath.
'Well is it deep enuff yet, Paddy?' WAIT FOR IT. . . .. . 'Aye'tis, NOW hand me dat shovel.'

[Stanley]

Grandma confided to her daughter one morning, "Since I got my new hearing aid, I seem to have a bit of gas!"

[Richard230]

I'm writing this from the hospital. Don't worry the doctor says I'll recover. I feel that I should warn you that the "Dyson Ball Cleaner" has a very misleading name.

[Richard230]

She: You never listen to me. You only hear what you want to hear. He: Sure, I'll have a beer.

[Richard230]

True love means never having to say "Honey, put that knife down."

[Richard230]

I came across a few cartoons that I think you will appreciate.