[Richard230]

And four more. 

[Richard230]

Four more cartoons.   

[2bikebill]

A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks
"Excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?"

The shop keeper's heart melts.
He gets down on his knees so that he is
on her level and says,
"Do you want a widdle white wabbit or
a thoft, fluffy, bwack wabbit,
or one like that widdle bwown one over there..?"

The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels,
puts her hands on her knees, leans forward
and whispers . . .
 
                                       
 
 
 
"I don't wealy fink my pyfon gives a phuck.."

[Richard230]

You are going to like this, especially if you are male - not so much if you are the other gender, though:

[Richard230]

Woman discovers a gorilla in a tree in her back yard and calls the Acme Gorilla Removal Service. Guy shows up with a pit bull, handcuffs and a shotgun. He tells the woman that he will climb up into the tree,shake the limb that the gorilla is on and when the gorilla falls the pit bull is trained to bite it in the nuts. When the gorilla uses his hands to protect himself, the woman is to put the handcuffs on. The woman asks what the shotgun is used for. Guy says if he falls out the the tree, she is to shoot the dog.

[Richard230]

Visiting Minnesota.   

[Arizoni]

A couple of guys are walking down a street when they see a large male dog licking his private parts.

One of the guys says, "Gee.  I sure wish I could do that."

The other guy says, "I think you better pet him first."

[Arizoni]

The police officer, thinking he had a good plan, parked his squad car across the street from the local bar.
He kept an eye on the people coming out of the bar for several hours and much to his delight saw a man staggering out of the bar door about ten minutes before closing time.

The man weaved back and forth as he walked across the parking lot, falling down several times before he got to his car.
Once at the car, he dropped the keys twice before he finally got the car door open.
Once inside, he started the car and drove slowly thru the parking lot to the street, hung a hard right and started down the road, weaving slightly.

The officer chuckled, started his car, turned on his headlights and flipped on the flashing red lights and proceeded to follow the man.

A half mile down the road the driver pulled over to the side of the road and the officer approached his car.

"Out of the car, buddy.  Your going to have to take the drunk driver test."

The officer proceeded to tell him to walk in a straight line, put his finger to his nose with his eyes shut and half a dozen other tasks that measure dexterity.
The man passed each test with flying colors.

The officer then had him breath into a balloon and tested his breath for alcohol.

The test showed the man to be totally sober.

"OK, buddy.  What the hell is going on here?" said the officer.

"Well, you see, when I got to the bar, I drew the short straw so I didn't drink a drop.
Just before closing time, I left and drove to this spot.
You see officer, tonight, I was the decoy.

[gizzo]

Doesn't need it's own thread. Here's an unhappy Triumph owner.
http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=152292047308#description

[Richard230]

Opps.   

[mattsz]

From me to GHG:

Did you hear about the Irishman who walked out of a bar? .........Well, it COULD happen!

[gashousegorilla]

  Yeah right Matt   

 One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Irishman too , picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling “spit it out, spit it  out  you bastard

[Scotty Brown]

The greatest safety device on a motorcycle is a policeman in the mirror.

[Otto_Ing]

Doesn't need it's own thread. Here's an unhappy Triumph owner.
http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=152292047308#description

One can get the same thing from RE at an much lower price. 

[2bikebill]

Went out last night to a fancy-dress party dressed as a chicken .

Met a girl dressed as an egg.

A lifelong question was answered -

It was the chicken                    .  .  .  .