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Author Topic: JOTD  (Read 84186 times)

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Richard230

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Reply #915 on: October 05, 2018, 09:00:41 am
The latest news from Detroit.  :o
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #916 on: October 05, 2018, 04:51:39 pm
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears; she is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking. After awhile, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?' She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, and more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?' The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says: 'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Scotty Brown

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Reply #917 on: October 10, 2018, 01:07:49 am
Two older Motorcycle riders


Richard230

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Reply #918 on: October 21, 2018, 05:06:31 pm
Irish Burial at Sea: Mick and Paddy had promised their Uncle Seamus, who had been a seafaring gent all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept their promise. They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat. After a while Mick says, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?' Without a word Paddy slips over the side only to find himself standing in water up to his knees. 'Dis'll never do, Mick. Let's row some more.' After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again but the water is only up to his belly, so they row on. Again Mick asks Paddy, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out Paddy?'
Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No dis'll neva do.' The water was only up to his chest. So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips over the side and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Mick is really getting himself into a state when suddenly Paddy breaks the surface gasping for breath.
'Well is it deep enuff yet, Paddy?' WAIT FOR IT. . . .. . 'Aye'tis, NOW hand me dat shovel.'
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Stanley

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Reply #919 on: October 21, 2018, 06:37:36 pm
Grandma confided to her daughter one morning, "Since I got my new hearing aid, I seem to have a bit of gas!"
It's the right part number so it might fit.
The Dremel might help.
Whoops.


Richard230

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Reply #920 on: October 26, 2018, 05:04:17 pm
I'm writing this from the hospital. Don't worry the doctor says I'll recover. I feel that I should warn you that the "Dyson Ball Cleaner" has a very misleading name.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #921 on: October 31, 2018, 09:37:33 am
She: You never listen to me. You only hear what you want to hear. He: Sure, I'll have a beer.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #922 on: October 31, 2018, 09:38:27 am
True love means never having to say "Honey, put that knife down."
« Last Edit: November 10, 2018, 08:37:18 am by Richard230 »
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #923 on: November 10, 2018, 08:41:42 am
I came across a few cartoons that I think you will appreciate.  ;D
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #924 on: November 17, 2018, 05:11:41 pm
My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out. What used to be my sex appeal, Is now my water spout. Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring. But now I've got a full time job, Just to find the bloody thing.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #925 on: November 17, 2018, 05:12:20 pm
I attended a very emotional wedding this past weekend. Even the cake was in tiers.
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #926 on: November 17, 2018, 05:12:44 pm
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. A Navaho on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off. 'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station attendant. 'Nothing,' the woman answered. 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.' 'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles'
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Richard230

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Reply #927 on: November 18, 2018, 07:30:05 pm
You can distinguish a crocodile from an alligator by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or after a while.  ::)
2011 Royal Enfield B5 500, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2005 Triumph Bonneville T-100, 2002 Yamaha FZ1


Arizoni

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Reply #928 on: November 23, 2018, 07:28:16 pm
I've invented a new thing to put on your food when your eating at the table.  It replaces the old salt and pepper you used to use.

It will be made in and imported from Oman, a country close to Saudi Arabia.

I call it Sultan pepper.  ;D
Jim
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Scotty Brown

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Reply #929 on: November 23, 2018, 09:16:03 pm
Driving Habits