[Richard230]

Good for their teeth, too. I sent these ads to my daughter, who lives in Marin County, CA, (where everything has to be pure, certified organic and non-GMO) and she just about had a heart attack just thinking about these old ads.   

[malky]

 
One for the ladies, and one for the stylish gent.

[mattsz]

Low birth weight = easy labor?  If only this were a joke...

[Richard230]

Two blind pilots were both wearing dark glasses. One is using a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, “Ya know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and we're all going to die."

[finbullet]

Some finnish humor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19qOlNqbjXs

[Ice]

Some finnish humor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19qOlNqbjXs

   

[tooseevee]

yeah - love the tapeworm diet!
I've seen the "cola" ad before - for those who can't read the ad copy:
This helpful advice brought to you by, naturally, The Soda Pop Board of America.  No wonder we're so fµ©ked up here in the US...

              They were, no boubt, paid up members of The Lollipop Guild 

[tooseevee]

The Dalai Lama gives the hot dog vendor $10 and the vendor hands over the hot dog.
The Dalai Lama asks, "Where's the change?"
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."

 That's even better than the "other" one   

[mattsz]

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
 
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.'
 
'I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
 
'Couple of minutes ago.'

[malky]

A group of marines are on arctic maneuvers, their officer orders them out early one morning, standing to attention, in line, completely naked.
The  officer walks up to the first marine and punches him on the nose and asks, " Does that hurt?". "No" replies the marine.
"Why not" asks the officer. "Because I'm a marine sir" comes the reply.
As the officer moves towards the next man he notices the marine has an erection, so he swipes it full force with his swagger stick, and asks " Did that hurt". Again the reply is no.
"Why not?" Asks the officer, "Because it was the man behind me sir".

[Richard230]

Backseat.   

[malky]

On a similar vain.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=wdsuShabEx8

Sorry, no subtitles available. 

[Uncle Billy]

A young lady goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of Elvis.  The tattoo artist says "I have a lot of pictures you could pick from" and hands her an album.  She chooses one, the artist says "Where would you want me to put this?"

The young lady says "On the inside of my thigh, as high up as possible."

The tattoo artist says "You're kidding!  Really??"

The young lady says "I mean it!"

The tattoo artist says "Okay, if that's what you want. I never did this before. Drop your pants and sit up on the table." 

She does, he does the tattoo, and when he's finished, the young lady takes a look at it and angrily says "That doesn't look like Elvis!''

The Tattoo artist says "Okay, okay, this is a bit weird for me so I'll do the picture on your other thigh for free."

She agrees, he does another tattoo of the picture she chose high up on her other thigh; when he finishes she looks at it and says "And that doesn't look like Elvis either!"

The tattoo artist says "Right, I told you this was strange for me but I don't think the tattoos look that bad.  But you don't like either one, so let's get a third opinion."

He goes out on the street, finds a fellow walking along the sidewalk and says to him "Come in here please, I want to ask you something."

The man comes into the tattoo parlor, sees the young lady with her pants down sitting on the table with her knees well apart, and thinks to himself "What the hell could this be?"

The tattoo artist says to him "Take a careful look there", pointing at the tattoos, and asks "What famous singer do you see?"

The man rubs his chin and after a moment he says, "Well, I don't know who the twins are, but the one in the middle looks like Willie Nelson".

[malky]

The man rubs his chin and after a moment he says, "Well, I don't know who the twins are, but the one in the middle looks like Willie Nelson".

I don't fully know how humour travels across the Atlantic, but that punch line works very well on two levels. Think about it. 

[Uncle Billy]

Two cowboys in Texas are sitting on their horses watching the herd of cattle and discussing their favorite techniques for making love.  One says he likes the "rodeo" sequence.  The other says, "Rodeo sequence? What's the rodeo sequence?"
The first says, "Well, get her on her hands and knees and do your thing from behind.  Some time in the middle of the action, reach around, take a breast in each hand, gently fondle them, then say to her, 'You know, these are just a little smaller than your sister's', and see if you can stay on for 8 seconds."


(in rodeo events, staying on a bucking horse or bull for 8 seconds is required to earn a score)