[Arizoni]

The door to a patients room at a large hospital flew open and a wild eyed male patient came charging out of it and headed down the hall at top speed with the open rear of his gown flapping in the wind.

Right behind him, a nurse carrying a pan of boiling water was gaining on him as he turned the corner at a distant hallway.

Dr. Brinkley, watching them disappear into the distance said to the Head nurse standing next to him, "Miss Newcome has to be the stupidest nurse I've ever seen.  She always gets my instructions turned around."

The Head nurse asked, "What did you tell her?"

The doctor replied, "I told her to prick his boil." 

[The Old Coot]

Scotland, Where Men are Men and Sheep are Nervous. 

[malky]

A friend of mine made love to his girlfriend in front of her mother." What did she say?" I asked.
BAAAAAAAA!

[Arizoni]

A member of a religious sect was going door to door handing out printed pamphlets and asking to come in to talk.

When he got to my house and offered the printed information and asked to come in I greeted him with a big smile and said, "Come in, by all means and have a seat on the couch."

Once seated I said, "Now, what did you want to talk about?"

He replied, "I don't know.  I never got this far before."

[malky]

A young mother is out walking, carrying her baby when a man looks at the child and says " my God that's the ugliest child I've ever seen". The mother bursts in to tears. A caring older woman stops to comfort her and asks what's wrong. "That man, he was very rude" she replies pointing. "Well" says the older woman,, "You just go and give him a piece of your mind, and I'll hold your monkey for you".

[Ice]

 

 Thanks Br. Malky, I've not laughed that hard in a month or more !

[Scotty Brown]

A new sociological team published a study this week that found that on average, an American under 75 can expect to have intimate relations one to three times a week.

The study also found that equivalent Japanese in the same age group have a significantly lower frequency: Only once or twice a year.   

This came as very upsetting news to many of my friends, who had no idea that they were actually Japanese.       

[Ice]

 

 

[mattsz]

Topical...

[The Old Coot]

You know someone was dealing with this yesterday.

[malky]

This is a true story.
I was at a bike rally a few years ago and found myself looking at a Russian Planeta 350 two stroke heavily chained to a tree. Another motorcyclist handed me a beer and asked if the bike was mine, I told him it wasn't to which he replied " it must be a valuable tree".

[Scotty Brown]

The Blonde call United Airlines : "Could you tell me how long it takes to Fly from New York City to Los Angeles."  The agent replies "Just a minute" ---The Blonde replies "Thank You." and hangs up.

[Ice]

 Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

 So I looked around my house to see things I'd started & hadn't finished, then I finished off a bottle of Vodka, a bodle of Baleys, a botle of wum, a pock of Prungles, 1/2 chesecke an a bocs a choclezt. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feeel now. Plese sned dhis orn to dem yu fel ar in ned ov innr piss

[greenie]

 

[Arizoni]

A blond woman was standing in front of the judge, charged with assaulting her husband by beating him with his own guitars.

The judge said, "First offender?"

"No", the woman said, "First the Gibson and next, the Fender".