Power returned to the instruments when we checked the bike after towing. Engine tried to turn over but wouldn't catch. (Notably, with clutch pulled in, engine wouldn't even turn over at all.)
All the fuses look fine.
The towing guy (who has some experience) agreed with me that the EFI is the missing link. Maybe a short blew my ECU (whatever it does) and so the EFI can't operate?
Towed it to a shop, they wouldn't touch it. So I rented a moving truck, we secured it inside, and I'm driving it the 240 miles to NYC, where I'll unload it outside my dealer.